Cody, the pain is as fresh today as it was a year ago tonight for me. I still can't understand why it had to be you who left us. I think about you each and every day. You are never far from me in my thoughts and in my heart.
Some nights I just sit here on my bed and cry not understanding why I had to lose you. Why we all had to lose you. You loved deeply and freely in your life and you were a joy to be around (most of the time) lol. You made a difference in so many lives and touched so many people so I don't know why it was that you had to leave.
All the milestones for Storm that you are not a part of hurt me deeply. I wish so much you were here for him. You could see how much he has accomplished and how he is doing. I know Sissy misses you a whole lot as well. I wish you could be around for Loralei and for Takoda.
Sometimes I see or read something and it just gets to me so bad. The anguish I feel in my heart because you are not here is unbearable sometimes. I gave up trying to call or talk about it anymore I just keep it all to myself these days. As I sit here now with tears running down my face and pain in my heart I just miss you so much and wish you here with us still.
The hardest thing is trying to talk normal when you are crying and upset. But I have been getting pretty good at that lately. Other than today being Loralei's birthday this is not a very good day for me.
Today is your day and you are in a lot of hearts and minds today. Lots of your friends are thinking about you today. You are loved and missed by so many.
Storm and I planted a Pear Tree by the house today. It will be another reminder of you in the years to come. I love you so much Cody, I wish you were here with us all and not gone. Sleep well my son - mom
Cody James July 10, 1986 - March 11, 2011 - This blog is memories of my son who passed away so suddenly in an automobile accident. Also things I would have liked to have been able to share with him.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
A Year Ago Tonight I Talked to You Last
It's been a year ago tonight since the last time I heard you tell me you love me and you miss me. I really miss you Cody. I still feel it is all so surreal and that you are just on some long vacation somewhere or where you can't call right now.
My birthday has come and gone again. Last year you wanted to be here for my birthday but you didn't make it. It seems like yesterday you and I were talking about that and you were asking if you could bring your spider and your lizard with you when you came. Just like it seems like yesterday that you and I talked and I 3-wayed to Omi so she could talk to you. It doesn't seem like a year has passed but yet it has. I do so miss you Cody and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you in some way or another.
Tomorrow we bring Storm's truck home. Yes, I said a truck.. funny huh? No he didn't want a truck but it is a really good one and I will feel a bit better that he is in a truck then in some little car instead when he drives around. The money we had left of yours has helped to pay for it and I know you would be happy with that. I payed for the rest of it. Now he just needs to get his regular driver license.
It was friday night this time last year actually that I got that phone call from Jessica. It changed my entire life. My life will never be the same ever again. I talk a lot about you to other people. You are still part of my life even though you aren't here with me anymore other than in my memories.
We have some more baby chicks and I remember how crazy you were about the ones we had before you left. I know how much you would enjoy being here with us and being around all the new animals. You always loved animals as much as I do.
You would also be happy to know that I quit smoking as well. I want you to know that I did that for you as much as for myself and Storm. I still love to smoke and I miss it but after your accident I wanted to do something myself just with you in mind. You hated me smoking so much and always made such a bit issue out if it when I was around you. Times when I really want one I just think of you.
I love you so much Cody and I miss you, miss you, miss you!! I wish I could just rewind the clock to this day a year ago. You are in my heart and in my mind and in my life forever. Sleep well my son - mom.
My birthday has come and gone again. Last year you wanted to be here for my birthday but you didn't make it. It seems like yesterday you and I were talking about that and you were asking if you could bring your spider and your lizard with you when you came. Just like it seems like yesterday that you and I talked and I 3-wayed to Omi so she could talk to you. It doesn't seem like a year has passed but yet it has. I do so miss you Cody and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you in some way or another.
Tomorrow we bring Storm's truck home. Yes, I said a truck.. funny huh? No he didn't want a truck but it is a really good one and I will feel a bit better that he is in a truck then in some little car instead when he drives around. The money we had left of yours has helped to pay for it and I know you would be happy with that. I payed for the rest of it. Now he just needs to get his regular driver license.
It was friday night this time last year actually that I got that phone call from Jessica. It changed my entire life. My life will never be the same ever again. I talk a lot about you to other people. You are still part of my life even though you aren't here with me anymore other than in my memories.
We have some more baby chicks and I remember how crazy you were about the ones we had before you left. I know how much you would enjoy being here with us and being around all the new animals. You always loved animals as much as I do.
You would also be happy to know that I quit smoking as well. I want you to know that I did that for you as much as for myself and Storm. I still love to smoke and I miss it but after your accident I wanted to do something myself just with you in mind. You hated me smoking so much and always made such a bit issue out if it when I was around you. Times when I really want one I just think of you.
I love you so much Cody and I miss you, miss you, miss you!! I wish I could just rewind the clock to this day a year ago. You are in my heart and in my mind and in my life forever. Sleep well my son - mom.
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