I know it's been a few days since that last blog about Josh Posh there but needed to calm my thoughts a bit. Lots of stuff has happened the past few days. Stormie can't make it to the Engineering and Robotics class this year at Stanford U.. no way to raise the money for the course in the short amount of time there is. And you know it's always me trying to get stuff done and of course with no car can't go around trying to fund raise for him or take him around to try. The did give us a 500.00 financial aid amount but that doesn't come close to touching the 2750.00 needed. Plus the airfare to get there.. Maybe next year he can try for it. We will have to see about that.
I went shopping with Omi yesterday she came down to go to Wildwood to the health food store so she stopped in here. She got me that gazebo I wanted to get last year. Remember that? Storm's pool is totally shot but I am hoping by the fall I will have everything cleared out back there where the trees are still lying that you finished cutting down for me. Maybe we can get Larry to buy him another one when I do. It's really level there and would be a good place for a pool for him.
Stormie and I set it up tonight and you never met Ann my neighbor who bought the abandoned house next door, but she just loved it. I had given her one of the DVD's I made for you and she just loved it. Said even though she never met you she learned a lot about you watching it and reading the posts. You would like her and Steve they are really nice / sweet people. Steve's dad just passed away as well last week and he is having a hard time just like we are about you. Of all the neighbors here that knew you, Ann and Steve who never even met you have been the greatest. The only ones that have even said anything about it. Even Rachel's parents across the street never even came over to say anything about it or when they saw me outside.
Anyway.. the gazebo looks great and will be awesome to use in the summers outside. I have been having Mojo in the house more these days I think he is finally housebreaking or realizing making a mess inside results in total instant banishment of the house.
Dinky got out for the first time in almost a year tonight. He must have zipped out when Storm got home from school. We looked all over for him and I was still outside as it was almost dark putting the glider together when I heard an awesome cat fight going on over on the other side of the fence on Ann's side. I ran over there and saw the grey and white cat running off and looked and called for Dinks but nothing - Ann went back in to get her flashlight and I went to the screen door and was calling for Storm to get me mine when I saw him behind the bush there trying to climb his way up the screen on the outside. Poor bugger his heart was beating so fast and he was all shaking. Maybe he learned his lesson again and won't think about trying to slip outside again for a long time.
Well Luna should be having her puppies here in the next week. Omi says she is getting so fat she's worried she will pop. Hopefully she won't have very many like Bear Bear did on that batch of mutt puppies she had.
I was going through your baby book tonight and scanning some of the pages in to send to Beverlee and it was making me remember so many things. I was telling her on the part where you had gone up to Granny and Pa's one year for a month when you were about 2 I guess and Pa taught you how to pee off the front porch because you still weren't potty trained. You thought that was just the neatest thing to be able to do that. When you came back home every time you had to go potty you would run out into the front yard to pee and your dad told you hey pee on mommy's tires. Boy did you ever after that every time you went pee out there you would go pee on the tires of my car just thinking that was just the funniest thing in the world to be able to pee on mommy's tires.. Silly boy!
Wish I could have those days back again.
I am trying really hard to come to terms with a lot of things and trying to be a better person and not just let some of my feelings get in the way of things and how I feel I was wronged but do the right thing where some of the things are concerned or what I hope is right and not feel screwed over or lied to in some way again. It's like I tell the girls when they start to fight or argue over you.. only they know what they had not what someone else had and everyone has feelings regardless. Whether we agree or don't agree. I just sometimes really wish Cody you wouldn't have done some of the things you did, but you always knew how I felt about that anyway.. we argued about it quite a bit sometimes. But there are so many feelings involved from so many people that it is overwhelming at times for me.. I like easy peasy you know that and I hate confrontation if I don't have to. Although I will stand up for what I believe is right and not let someone run over me or buffalo me if I can help it.
I made a few promises I intend to keep and will follow through with that I just hope that what I was told is the truth is as well and doesn't bite me in the ass later for doing it. I love you and I will fight for you and what I think is right regardless - if people don't like what I say when it comes to you then they don't understand how important family is to me and my children. When someone trashes me or makes comments they have no idea about you know I am outspoken and will say my piece especially when it comes to You, Brandy or Storm. It was the 3 musketeers so to speak always for years.
All the crappy boyfriends I had over the years just loved you to death and would have done anything for you anytime. Spent time with you and enjoyed being with you. But the good man in my life wasn't like that and that was always so strange to me. I even wonder if they will ever send your computer to Stormie. He really wants it badly not just for the computer's sake but because everything about you was on that computer - The only external hard drive and we know there were 2 of them the one we did get really hasn't got much on it at all. I think that even Storm puts up such a brave face and always turns the questions back on me when I ask how he is doing he just says fine then jumps on it and asks how I am doing.
When I watched the video of that cruise from the other night that was supposed to be about you. I never saw one thing that was done in remembrance of you. No signs on any cars - cars zipping along and not even going to where you had your accident to remember you. And then some stupid ass kid riding down the 4 lane road doing all kinds of really stupid ass shit while riding his mortorcycle.. hanging on one side with both legs on that side - standing up on the bike and driving and then sitting on the handle bars and driving.. What about that was honoring you in anyway or remembering the tragedy we all went though because of your accident? he is just another accident waiting to happen and it might not just be him who dies or is hurt badly because of it.
I don't agree with we should be happy they are doing something in your name - but it doesn't honor your memory in any shape or form - I wrote Justin back in a message and I told him this after he sent me this message:
Cody James July 10, 1986 - March 11, 2011 - This blog is memories of my son who passed away so suddenly in an automobile accident. Also things I would have liked to have been able to share with him.
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