The 1st Year

Cody, the pain is as fresh today as it was a year ago tonight for me. I still can't understand why it had to be you who left us. I think about you each and every day. You are never far from me in my thoughts and in my heart.

Some nights I just sit here on my bed and cry not understanding why I had to lose you. Why we all had to lose you. You loved deeply and freely in your life and you were a joy to be around (most of the time) lol. You made a difference in so many lives and touched so many people so I don't know why it was that you had to leave.

All the milestones for Storm that you are not a part of hurt me deeply. I wish so much you were here for him. You could see how much he has accomplished and how he is doing. I know Sissy misses you a whole lot as well. I wish you could be around for Loralei and for Takoda.

Sometimes I see or read something and it just gets to me so bad. The anguish I feel in my heart because you are not here is unbearable sometimes. I gave up trying to call or talk about it anymore I just keep it all to myself these days. As I sit here now with tears running down my face and pain in my heart I just miss you so much and wish you here with us still.

The hardest thing is trying to talk normal when you are crying and upset. But I have been getting pretty good at that lately. Other than today being Loralei's birthday this is not a very good day for me.

Today is your day and you are in a lot of hearts and minds today. Lots of your friends are thinking about you today. You are loved and missed by so many.

Storm and I planted a Pear Tree by the house today. It will be another reminder of you in the years to come. I love you so much Cody, I wish you were here with us all and not gone. Sleep well my son - mom