Wonder Where Everyone Went!

Cody,

I am thinking about you a whole lot today. I watched March 11 come and go.. and I read your page on Facebook and there was hardly anyone that even recognized that it was the day that you left us all.

I have watched so many get on with their lives and move on from losing you. All the ones that stated to me that they would never ever forget about you... But....

I keep you beside me every day.. I think about you each and every day.. I think about you every day.. I will never ever forget about you as long as there is a breath in my body. You are in the mind of Brandy and Storm every day. There is not a day we don't wish you were here with us still.

So soon those forget you were here. That they don't think about you anymore. Their lives have progressed on and you are no longer a part of their lives because you are not here anymore.

The promises made by some have never been honored and never will be. That is what is so upsetting and so discouraging to me. Part of you has come home to me but important belongings to you have never made it here.

I know in my heart I will see you again someday, I look forward to that day when I can tell you again how much I love you and how much I have missed you in my life all these years. I am sorry that your presence on this earth has not effected others in the same way it effects me each and every day!

Everything in this house reminds me constantly of you. Mojo, China, Luna, Aria, Aireagon, Mozi, even Midnight does. I can't look at Dinky or Oreo without you entering my mind. The rooms and the entire house brings you to me. Sometimes the overload of thoughts is almost so overwhelming to me.

I miss the sound of your voice, the phone calls even the arguments we had. I realize because I am your mother it impacts me a whole lot more than it does anyone else the loss of you here on earth. There is not anything I wouldn't do to have you back.

I try and hide my feelings from Storm and from Brandy and to not let them know how badly this effects me daily. How much I really miss you and how hard it is for me each and every day to act like I am OK. How much it impacts me.

I do my best each and every day to blame no one for what happened that night. But, that is so hard some days. Unless someone has been where I am today they really don't realize the impact of it all and how much it impacts us all. How much your loss means to us. How painful it is and how hard it is to go on each and every day.

So much has happened in the 2 years since you have been gone. I only wish each and every day you would have been a part of it all. A part of Takoda's life and Loralei's life and Storm's and Brandy's lives as well.

The loss of you has left big empty holes in all of us. Especially in my life. I look at pictures and remember all the various times in your life with a huge loss because there will never be anymore memories of you for me ever.

But now I just wonder where all those have gone that said they would never forget about you and would remember you always. This year on your wall hardly anyone even posted a thing. Even most of your family on the James side said a word. Where was your cousin Megan that you were so insisting you be a part of her life.. Where was Aunt Vicky or Uncle Eddie? Or even Jasmine and the rest that you always made sure to go see when they were in the TN area?

I just don't get it sometimes... Sissy, Storm and I will never ever forget about you and how much we miss you every day we are here on this earth.

I love you Cody and not a day goes by I don't think about you, or miss you or wish you were here with us.

Sleep well my son - Mom

2 years nowCo

Cody,

It has been 2 years now. I don't feel any different today then I did that night. I still miss you and wish that it never happened.


I haven't looked beyond that day. I remember all the good days and even the bad we had. I remember the jokes and the funny times. I can still see your face when said things and made remarks that I won't even mention. I miss those days and those smiles and the look on your face. I wish I could turn the clock back and get you back in my life.

I wish I would have called you that day. I wish I could have spoken to you that Friday before your accident. I miss having you in my life and I know Brandy and Storm do as well. I am having such a hard time on this day of missing you. The memories are too hard to handle sometimes.

I quit smoking but yet today I am because I miss you so much and needed to have a beer. I am not doing the memory of you very much honor today because of that. I am sorry Cody. It has been 2 weeks now and I am not doing any better.

I have your urn in my bed again because I need you close to me. I miss you so much Cody and I wish you were here with us. I still hope to hear from you to receive a call on my phone from you. I am having such a hard time realizing you are no longer here with me.

I have all thee memories of you and some are good and some are bad but yet I see the smile on your face and the jokes you played. I wish you would come home and make it all seem like a really bad dream.

Luna is still here waiting on you to come home and be her master again and her to be your chow. She loves you and misses you. If only I could go back in time and talk to you and get you to make a different choice that night.

None of them are here for you now. None of them remember you now. None of them care about that night anymore and what it cost. All of them have gone on with their lives and you a just a fading memory of that night. But I remember, I will always remember because that is the night I lost you. You can never be replaced. You were a one of a kind Cody. You were my SON and I will love you until the day I am gone. Storm and Brandy will LOVE you for all the days of their life as well.

Most of them have moved on and you are just someone they knew and that has left this earth. I love you forever Cody, you were my son, you were my light, you were one of my heartstrings, and I miss you I will always miss you for as long as I live! Sleep well my son - mom