5-17-2014

Cody,

I have so much to tell you and I know I haven't written you in so long.

Storm is getting ready to graduate high school this coming week. I know you would have loved to have been here to see it. I wish your sister was going to come but I have not heard from her in a long time either now.

I don't know what is going on with her and she isn't sharing either. I have written her a few emails but only heard back on one of them and then it was only to try and send me pictures on my phone. They of course couldn't come through because media is not working on the phone.

I sent her a "Happy Mother's Day" text, phone vm and also on her FB but never heard from her all day long.

The first two years after you left us she called me every single day or I would call her. Last spring the phone calls just dribbled off and now I hardly hear from her at all. The last time I actually spoke to her was on that day, your leaving us and Loralei's birthday. I have not spoken to her since then. I worry about her and wonder what is going on with her. She isn't talking though and not telling me anything.

I am watching a movie tonight that is bringing my losses so much to the forefront right now. The loss of your older brother and your loss. I am trying so hard these days to learn how to deal with the emotions that I have let be kept from me for the past 3 years. I quit taking the anti depressant I have been taking for the past 3 years. Now my emotions run rampant again and the tears come so easily with just a thought or an action or a simple memory.

I still miss you each and every single day. There has been no relief in the pain I feel or the cold hard fact you are no longer here for me to speak to or hug or anything that I would normally do with you. I look at the pictures and the memories are all I have anymore. The future memories I would have liked to have had or the future relationship with you were all so harshly taken away and ripped from us both that fateful night.

Unfortunately as you know I don't believe in anything other than what we were both taught so trying and searching form some spirit reader or medium is totally out of the question. I just have to go on faith that some day I will see you again and be able to hug you and tell you I love you once again.

So much has happened this past year I wish you could know about. You would have been right by my side in how Larry has been since Storm turned 18. How much of an ass he has turned into after all the years of letting him slide on not paying and listening to his poor me and how broke he is. His marriage to that green card hungry bitch and how much of a total change of heart he has had after it and how "Karma" will find him eventually.

You would be here for your brother and give him grief over the things he has been doing, Or Not I am sure since you probably would have said good for him. I just so wish you were here, Cody. You would be more grown up now with a few more lessons under your belt. Be a dad for you own son.

I am sure you would be back here living with me.