It's October Now!

It's now October and you have been away for a while now. With Halloween coming up it reminds me of the many Halloweens I took you out to Trick-or-Treat.

The one that stands out for me the most is the Halloween you almost drowned in Omi and Dad's pool. I was making a potato salad for Dad's birthday and you were just toddling around at that time. You were in the kitchen with me and Dad came in and was talking to me from the doorway and when he left I looked around and you were nowhere to be found. I walked out to the screened deck and saw you under water. I ran over there and reached down and pulled you out. I was so scared. You were just floating downward and looking up. I was so glad for all the times I had taken you to the pool and taught you how to hold your breath under water.

Shady hadn't even barked to let me know you had fallen in and I never heard a sound even though all the doors and the windows were open. You were none the worse from wear and it didn't even faze you one little bit. We still took you out later to go Trick-or-Treating.

That was one of your most favorite times of the year because of all the candy you would get. You went for years even long after you should have quit going out. You would go out with Stormie even to get Candy and steal his when you could get away with it.

I sure miss you. I missed you last night while I was watching Storm's competition and wished you could have been there with me to watch him perform. He is so right on target and snaps right to attention at the end of each song. I am glad he loves band as much as he does since it is the only thing he does in school each year.

I know you hated it because you had to carry your sax to school and back every day when you were in band.  I wish I knew what Pa did with your Sax, I would love to have it. I haven't heard from or seen Pa since the service but I guess he is ok. Not that anyone would ever call me and tell me anything anyway.

I am sure my dismal ways sometimes probably wear on Storm because there are days I just start to cry for no reason thinking about you. But he sure puts on a great face. I Thank God I have him to help me get through this. And for Sissy because if not for her as well I think some days I wouldn't want to live anymore. I never conceived this in any of my wildest dreams that this would ever again happen to our family. I know if you would have known the outcome of that night you would still be here with us. You would never have wanted to cause pain to any of us ever.

Storm even talked about you the other night to virtual strangers about your accident. That is the first time ever I have ever heard him talk about what happened that night. He never even talks to me about it ever. I was proud of him talking about it.

I sure miss your joking and teasing and even the arguments we had. I would give anything to have you back with us. The days pass and time goes on but you are so still with me each and every day in my heart and in my thoughts. In little moments of remembering or wanting to talk to you. To show you the new pets or the goats or just to say I love you. There is such a big hole in my life without you and not being able to share even little things with you anymore.

I am hoping China will have puppies in November and I know you would have been so excited about that to have a bunch of new chow puppies to play with. I can see you now in my minds eye just how you would be around them. You would have your favorites and you would name them all I am sure just like you did those stupid chickens we had. You would bug me to keep one of them and I would have to tell you no Cody no.

You and those stupid puppy pads when we first got Mojo, China and Luna. What a bright idea that was on your part. Never again. Took me forever to break Mojo from peeing on the bathroom carpets because they were the same color as those darn puppy pads.

I know I don't write very often right now but it is not because I don't think about it. I just seem to be having such a hard time that when I try I just start crying so much and then I can't. But Cody I love you so much and I miss you horribly more then anyone can know or understand. Sleep well my son - mom