A Letter

Cody,

I am writing this letter to the man that owns the house next door to the utility pole that you hit. I want him to know what I think of him. I also want him to know about you.

I don't know your name although it wouldn't be hard to find out what it is again. All I have to do is call up the insurance company again to find out. You who didn't waste one minute to put in a claim into Cody's insurance company about a lousy mailbox he hit before hitting that utility pole that ended his beautiful life.

I am haunted about visions of that fateful night. Visions that never leave me no matter how hard I try and put those thoughts out of my mind. He was not quite 25 years old when his life ended. He left behind a wonderful older sister that thought the world of him. I younger brother that looked up to him and adored him no matter how much they fought sometimes about stupid stuff. A mother that loved him more then life itself and now has to live with the knowledge that he will no longer ever come home again.

Let me tell you about my son, Cody, the one whom you were so quick to trash the pictures that were placed there and the crosses and the angel placed by his sister. The one whom you gave no regard to. Whom you felt it necessary and that you felt had so little meaning that you threw everything placed there by family and friends into a trash can.

Cody loved life and loved living it to the fullest. He was ready to help anyone that needed it if he could in any way help them. He loved his family with all his heart no matter what and stood up for each and every one of them. He didn't hold grudges against anyone and was always ready with even the shirt off his back if it would have been needed. He loved to laugh and to make other people laugh and was always happy. He never complained about petty things or about how life had mistreated him. He was a computer whiz and loved nothing better then to help anyone with a computer problem and fix it for them. He wanted to get a degree in Computer Science and was working towards that. He loved animals and they all had an affinity for him and loved him in return. He was sensitive and caring and never went out of his way to ever hurt anyone's feelings. He loved his friends and always loved spending time with them. He loved to tease and bring a smile to your face. If you needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to you he was always there for that. He loved to laugh and to make others happy and sometimes went to far out of his way to do that.

This is the person you treated like dirt and regarded so little that you took things that did not belong to you and decided that you could just throw it all away like trash. I pity you because you seem to have so little disregard for another human being that I am sure when you leave this world there won't be many there to be sorry to see you gone from here. Anyone with as little regard as you have is indeed in need of pity because you cannot really be a part of the human race. Most people have compassion for others and the misfortunes they endure or the sadness of what they go through but you don't or you wouldn't have done what you did and bring more grief onto Cody's family and friends. So yes I pity you.

Yet you were worried about a stupid mailbox. Life means so little to you I take it that it didn't matter that a young man's life ended and he would never grace this earth again. Material things meant way more to you then the life of my son, Cody. How you even were able to get the name of his insurance company so soon after the accident remains a mystery to me. You placed that report to his insurance company on Saturday, the 12th of March. I didn't even have the name or the number myself until Monday the 14th of March.

I was aghast to learn there was already a claim into his insurance company already and for all things a damn mailbox. How totally petty of you to worry about a stupid mailbox when a life was lost. A life that was snuffed out at such a young age. He would never see his son or be a part of his life. Never hold him, talk to him, give him a kiss or tell him he loved him. But, yet you were worried about a stupid mailbox.

I guess a mailbox is more important then a life. A human life is worth what $30.00 dollars to you? That is the worth of a person? You must not have children or maybe your own children are only worth that to you. If you do have children then I guess it wouldn't matter to you either if something so earth shattering was to happen to them. If your life was so devastated and turned upside down over something like this. If your child was never ever to come home to you again in this lifetime.

You have no heart and no conscience it really amazes me. On Memorial Day two of his friends left a cross there at the place where his life ended to remember him by. For his birthday his sister, Brandy flew out there to pay her respects at the place where he left us. Leesa spent countless hours crafting and making the cross that they all placed there on his birthday on July 10th. Storm, his little brother put his feelings for the first time out there for anyone to see when he wrote to Cody. The pictures that were attached to the pole were for others to remember Cody by and to honor the brother and friend they lost.

Yet you in your infinite wisdom took it upon yourself to less then a month later walk over to that pole and rip down the pictures that were placed there. To remove the crosses that were set to remember him and to let others know that someone had a horrible accident there. To hopefully let others know that maybe they shouldn't do what he did.

You claimed that you had left it all there for 4 months. Yet my son, Cody, was not even gone yet for 4 months when those items were placed there. You took the angel his sister placed there to watch over him, the crosses, the pictures and you took it upon yourself to destroy everything.

Who the hell are you? What type of person are you? Who the hell raised you? I hope you do not call yourself a compassionate person or even a christian, because you are so far from it. You don't own that property, you don't own that pole, you own nothing there and had no right to remove anything. No one saw it there driving by. The only way to see it was to walk by there. You had no right for what you did to me his mother, his sister, or his friends. You are a horrible human being and cannot even be termed as human in any way.

Too bad I don't live anywhere close to where you live so I could actually confront you in person and tell you what I honestly think of you. Maybe someday God will grant me the chance to actually meet you and ask you why you have no heart.

Cody I am so sorry there are people in the world like this person. But we both already knew there were just that we really never had to meet them too often in our lives. I love you so much and if there was anything I could do I would. I miss you so much and wish you were here for me to talk to. Thank you for coming to see me in my dreams now and then.

I love you!! and I miss you - Sleep well my son - mom

The Past

Cody,

Tonight I am so missing you, I want to talk to you so much. I don't talk to hardly anyone ever except for Omi, Sissy and Storm. I miss you calling me and telling me what is going on with you and bugging me with whatever it is you want at the moment.

I miss just you bullshitting me. I miss you playing around and teasing or being a total pain in the ass.

I look at all the pictures and remember all the times and what you were like at those ages. Things we did, places we were or where we lived when they were taken. You and I had a lot of rough times and hard times. I think a lot of it brought us closer together then most children and their parents. You loved to be a pain to me. For some reason sometimes I think you just way enjoyed it too much.

Do you remember when we met Gene? I went to work for him doing surveying down in the Modesto valley? We lived in the motel for months and I had to get you a baby sitter for while we were there? One day I came home and no one knew where you were? I finally found you in the apartments behind the motel? I was so scared you had been taken by someone. You just loved it there because we had a pool and we ate all kinds of junk food all the time because we didn't have a kitchen so we had to eat out all the time.

I think when we first lived in California that was probably the best time for you because it was just you and I. You had me all to yourself for a long time before you had to share me with anyone again. It was just you and I against the world pretty much.

I bought you a bike and it was stolen right off the front porch of the house we lived at, they cut the bike lock and stole it. We had the crazy roommate from hell.

Tante Eva didn't really like us from the start when we first moved there to California. When you had your very first migraine headache and they had gone up to their cabin, and we were left home alone and you got sick all over the carpet just in front of the bathroom she had a fit about it when they got home because I couldn't get all the red out from the baby tylenol I had given you for your headache earlier.

They never really did anything with us ever. Uncle Hans had wanted to take us with them but she was totally against it. She hated the fact I had long fingernails and she couldn't grow them so she was always complaining about it. In order to work for them I had to cut them or gee when you smoke it looks horrible because you are missing part of your finger and you are smoking with your right hand and that makes it so noticeable, I was like OMG what petty crap you come up with.

She always complained about you as well. Nothing was ever good enough even though we cleaned their house, did their dishes and worked in their back yard and fixed their fence and all the other stuff you and I did around there. Well mostly me because you were still only little but you know what I mean.

Even her kids were better then you were as far as she was concerned. You couldn't even play any play any of their games and when you did all hell would break loose because her kids would complain about it. But wasn't it funny in the later years her kids had no clue about anything and who was always asked to go down and fix their computers?

Upgrade them, do this, do that, fix them, etc? Why OMG really? it was me. Who grew up later watching me do stuff? Or rather who made you learn how to fix stuff you screwed up because I got sick and tired of fixing what you did? You got really good at doing things computer related and even sometimes I had to ask you how to do something because I did not know how or was too lazy to figure it out myself.

Amazing how none of their kids could even hold a candle to your intelligence and knowledge in later years. But as far as they were concerned I was a totally unfit parent. Especially Tante Eva, who only loved gossip and to hear the worst about anything. Asking questions and wanting to know stuff she had no business knowing in the first place. She loved to say bad stuff about people and to hear bad things as well to try and make herself feel better about herself. She has a long way to go before she can classify herself that way.

Family should always stick together but I really feel she has no sense of what family is really all about. She tries to alienate all of the family especially anyone that belongs to Uncle Hans's side of the family. Not like she has any brothers and sisters on her side to look after her in the event something ever happens to Uncle Hans before her. We should both feel sorry for her as she really doesn't know all the things she does and says and the implications of what her actions and what she says is on other people.

I really believe you in your heart knew the meaning of family and how important it was to you. You even tried so hard to look beyond all the bad your dad did and still loved him in spite of all it all. I know you loved him and you really wanted him to be a part of your life just like Brandy, Storm and I were. Unfortunately it never worked out the way you wanted it to with him. But you did know what it meant.

I really don't know what to say about your dad. He used to be a really good guy but that changed somewhere along the line. He got addicted to stuff. I saw it when we lived in Houston and he used to do a lot of coke and go the bars all the time. He would spend his last buck on it.

Years later I could see how much he was not the dad I wanted you to have. Not that I didn't try and make it work with him, because I did. Finally it was just about did I want you to grow up in the environment we were in or did I want you to grow up differently then what he was a part of.

I chose the latter because I really did not feel like he was a good influence on either you or on Brandy. Look at what he has become now and how he treated Andrew and Katlyn as well. I really believe you were way better off then growing up with him in your life. I know you loved him and really never understood why we left  but he was not a good influence for you and I never wanted you to ever be like him. The biggest thing you ever did for me was to make me proud of the fact you were not like him in any way.

I am very sorry you were not able to have the relationship you wanted with him. But he is not willing and may never be willing to have a relationship with any of his children. The only thing he ever sees is his wants and needs and he puts that above any of you kids. What he wants is way more important to him then anything else. His drugs and whatever comes first and more then likely always will. You deserve so much more then that Cody.

Always amazed me how many times Buster would act so surprised that I left David because he would beat the shit out of me. Every time it was brought up he would act like it was the first time. I guess he never remembered how he had to fly David from Houston back to Tennessee because he beat me while I was pregnant with you with the buckle end of the belt and this after I had been bed ridden for months just to be able to keep you and not have a miscarriage because I had so many problems carrying you in the first place.

He always tried to tell me anything that was wrong with you was just because I left your dad in the first place. He would never acknowledge that David learned his behavior long before I met him, while he was growing up with granny and pa.

I saw where it came from back in 1991 when you and I lived with granny and pa and you were running back and forth on the front porch one day. Pa got so mad at you for doing that and his face was so purple and all the veins on his neck stuck out just like your dad's would do when he was mad at me.  


I will also never forget the morning he got mad at one of the ladies that lived at the home that had alzheimers and she was roaming up and down the hall and came into the dining room. He told her to go back to her room and we were both in the kitchen at the time. When she didn't and was wandering around the dining room he sort of tossed/shoved her back towards the door and she fell down. Later I told granny about it and that if I ever saw that again I would turn them in for elder abuse.

 I just miss talking to you so much. This should not ever have happened. I should have just moved us all back to Canada or maybe I should have moved us to Australia years ago when I was going to. Storm was like I would not be here if you would have done that. I told him maybe you wouldn't look like you do now and not talk like you do but I am sure you would have been here. I just want you to be here too, it is not right that you are not here. It is not natural especially all I went through to just have you in the first place. You overcame so much to just be born.

Never ever doubt I love you, and that I miss you so much Cody. Sleep well my son - mom

Cody's Memorial

Cody,

I am pretty upset about what happened to your memorial and extremely upset at the person that took everything down.

The fact that someone has the gall and the balls to take stuff that does not belong to them and is not on their property and to put it all in the garbage just infuriates me. What on God's green earth gave him the right to decide to take what others put up to memorialize you and to honor your remembrance?

Not only does he take it all and throw it all away he lies and claims he left it up for 5 months when you have only been gone for 4 and nothing was really put up until your birthday on July 10th. The only other thing that was placed there was put up in May on Memorial day so that was only there for 2 months.

Leesa spent a tremendous amount of time making the cross for your Birthday Memorial and that was taken and destroyed and the other cross that was placed there on Memorial Day was also removed and thrown away. The angel that Sissy put there on your birthday was taken along with all the pictures that were placed on the pole. The message to you from Storm was taken.

How insensitive can a person be to take and remove those items and throw them away? The pictures on the Utility pole alone defiantly were not on his property and he had absolutely no right to remove them. The people in the house one over didn't even know they were there and that only shows how unobtrusive they were and that they were not a distraction to drivers anywhere. 

He left the Trix candy bar rapper there next to the pole and if he owned the property why did he not remove the trash? Why has he not mowed around that area? Why? because he does not own it in the first place and what he did was wrong by all accounts.