Sitting here Thinking...

I was thinking about the response that Jasmine Blaney posted on Cody's wall in response to what I said about the James's.

Who am I supposed to feel sorry for myself? Buster who never bothered to call Cody back when he left the message on his answering machine? He, I am sure had not talked to Cody in almost a year and didn't bother to return the call because he was all worried it was about Cody going to ask him for money. Or should I feel sorry for Meg don't think so.

I think the ones the most devastated by this is, are my kids, Brandy and Storm, and my mom and myself. But I don't see where the sympathy lies in any of those areas. It seems all the sympathy lies with the James family who really didn't have much to do with him in the first place. Yes, Buster loved him but Buster complained about him constantly and never said many good things about Cody. Vicki and Megan are too wrapped up in their own lives to really give a crap about Cody or to ever have gone out of their way to ever have anything to do with him or to care what he was doing or anything about his life.

You know what matters is that your family cares about you and keeps in contact with you no matter what. That is not the case with any of the James's everything for them is all about themselves and nowhere does someone else ever impact their life if it has no value to them.

You know how I remember the Blaney's where Buster and Betty were concerned - the perfect kids they never had. So they surrogated them as their kids and treated them just as if they were. Yeah I am not perfect, never professed to ever be perfect and never will.

But my kids all of them Brandy, Cody and Storm are perfect. I couldn't be prouder of a child then I am of any of them. I am not perfect and they had to deal with a lot because of that from me. But I never lied to my kids or made myself out better then I ever was. I always told them I never wanted them to have to do or live the same life I had to or to have to deal with all the things I did.

So you want to tell me that you did not realize a phone call would help? Storm, Brandy, and I would have appreciated it more then you can even know. Not some post saying how you expected to walk into Megan's wedding.

None of you even requested a DVD I made up for Cody, not you or anyone in the James's family other then Andrew and Katy. I posted it repeatedly on his wall and not one request from any of you. It just shows me that it really doesn't mean that much to some people and show is more important then reality. He went out of his way for so many of you but you don't seem to realize just how much he did, or how much you all meant to him. And that he didn't mean the same amount for some people.

If you think I am being harsh, I am because he is my son and I always did my best for him and protected him to the best of my ability from all the bad things and the fact he really wasn't loved as much as he should have been by some members of his family. He can no longer say a word but I can on his behalf and I will until the day I am gone. If you don't like what I have to say, I really don't care, the only people that mean anything to me at this point is Cody, and Brandy and Storm and my mother and my grandchildren, other then that what anyone else thinks means squat to me.

So once again in response to your if you knew ...... Wonder why I don't go to an SDA church..... Why I don't preach to people or try and get them to be SDA..... because I have seen it too much in my life...

Cody I love you so very much..... I miss you more and more and more and more each day, it has been really hard for me lately, Sleep well my son - mom