Every time I read how someone had a dream about you I have been so envious about it, because I had not had one dream about you since the accident. Then on Monday morning I had a dream about you. In the dream you came to me and both of us knew you were gone but you had been allowed to come see me and talk to me again. I felt so much comfort from that dream of you Cody, felt as if you were here with me. We talked about things that had been going on since the night you left, about the drama and your belongings. I was so happy to see you and talk to you and hug you it was just so awesome.
I miss you so much and even though you sleep with me every night and are still a part of my life each day even though you are not here physically I still talk to you and try and keep you in the loop of all the things that are going on. Maybe that is why I had that dream about you.
I even had a dream about Aunt Teri a few days later. Everything is all playing on my mind and in my subconscious constantly, the feelings of being used and of dishonesty and the disloyalty to you and to your memory. I think it all culminated into this dream of everything I am feeling about everything where you are concerned. Somehow it all escalated into having this dream about you and telling you all that has been happening with everyone concerned and what has been happening with all the things you owned that were yours. It is unsettling to realize that nothing about you was as precious to other people as it was to your own family and that you being gone has created nothing but a bunch of vultures where some of your belongings are concerned.
No matter what I say or how I ask nothing gets returned to us it seems that mostly greed is the name of the game. So many have moved on with their lives and you are now just a fading distant memory and what was yours means nothing compared to what it means to myself, Storm and Brandy.
I go through each day missing you and have such a hard time looking at your pictures without just totally breaking down and missing you so much, missing talking to you even fighting with you and everything about you. I miss the person you were and who you were becoming and even the things that are supposed to be helping me are not doing that great of a job. A big part of me was ripped out the night you had your accident and left me. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have to go through the rest of my life without you in it physically.
I see so many kids that don't even come close to the man you were becoming that do some of the worst things and get to still be here, and here you are with one of the biggest hearts I have ever known and you are gone from my life forever. Where is the fairness in any of that? Even Jessica had no problem moving on but has yet to return most of your belongings even your memory card from your phone she kept. That didn't take her long to forget about you and go hook up with someone else. You have only been gone for a little over 3 months and she hooked up with him within the first month you were gone.
I really don't know Cody sometimes about people anymore. Yet, you always wondered why I decided to just hermit myself. Well it gave both of you boys time alone with just me and for us to become close and a family, I loved you both just that much, you were the most important people in my life and it didn't need to be clouded with some guy.
I miss you so much and I just am having a really hard time dealing with this and your accident and that I will never see you again or hold you again or be able to tell you how much I love you. You were so extremely important to me whether you believed it or thought you were. Both of you boys are and Sissy you are my world and the best part of my life. You all are the most perfect things I ever created.
I love you so much Cody, and I miss you more and more each day - Sleep well my son - mom
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