Here I am tonight Cody, I talked to Beverlee's mom, Sheila tonight for a long time. Yes we have become friends, I know you would understand. It is nice to talk to someone that knows how you how feel and I appreciate her friendship.
I am missing you so much tonight, especially with these kittens Storm and I brought home this morning. The little calico and the orange and white one remind me of Sophie and Oddball. Although they don't totally look like them it just reminds me of them.
The other night after my post and the comments on it I called the grief counselor and talked for a long time. They are just great about listening to me and being very objective about what I say. He was like you sound extremely angry, I told him I am angry and I don't know if I can ever get over my anger about it all.
The lies, the deceit, all of it, not sure I will ever get over any of it. You know I don't forgive lies easily and it takes a lot for me to trust again when that happens. Everything that surrounds you is most of it is so full of lies and deceit and nothing regarding the truth.
You are gone and why does it all continue on? why is it so important to continue all the lies and the deceit? Why was it important to make you out as the bad guy? That you were a bad guy after you were gone? I know better and anyone that truly knew you also knew better than that. But why was it so important to her to try and make you out as you were a bad guy? Why tell me lies about you? Why tell your friends lies about you?
You and I know so much better, Cody. What did I always tell you? What did I instill in you for years and years? For you to grow up and be your dad? never ever would you have done that. What would have the consequence for that have been? What did I tell you the first time I ever heard her over the phone? You called me so sick and wanted to go the doctor and she was screaming at you and I asked who that was and you said your girlfriend. I told you I would never put up with that and you told me then I know mom.
I know you didn't want to be there, every time you called me and she was around you made me wait to talk about things when she finally was out of range or couldn't hear anymore. You wanted to stand on your own finally and not come home with your tail tucked and I understand that. But I know you wanted to come home and I was so looking forward to you coming home.
I am sorry that you got so stuck with her for so long and had to deal with all the abuse you did, you did not deserve it by any means. I heard her cuss you out and scream at you plenty of times when you were on the phone with me and I know you were not happy there or being around her. I just wish you would have said mom I want to come home. You never deserved what you received at her hands or the hands of her mother.
I love you so much Cody and I miss you, God I miss you so much, Sleep well my son - mom
Cody James July 10, 1986 - March 11, 2011 - This blog is memories of my son who passed away so suddenly in an automobile accident. Also things I would have liked to have been able to share with him.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The "Truth of it All"
Cody, I can write this now with a clear conscience and not feel bad about writing about all this now. After your birthday and Sissy tried to get a hold of Jessica and Tess Bascom, and Jessica hid in the house and Tess ignored the FB email that Sissy sent, I don't see any reason why I shouldn't get all this off my chest now about what happened.
After I got the call from Jessica at 12:01 about your accident and I called everyone to let them all know, I called Jessica back to find out what was going on and if I could talk to an officer or a paramedic or someone and she told me that they told her they would call me when they could I hung up and waited. Later on I called her back and asked about your phone because I didn't have the numbers for Ross and Stephen and wanted to tell them myself about what happened she told me the police had it. I talked to the officer in charge and told him that I wanted your phone released to her so she could get me the numbers. I contacted the dept front desk like he told me to and told them I wanted your phone released to her.
That was my 1st big mistake. Trusting her.
When she got your phone she was all nosy and found all your text messages to the others and got all jealous. She finally gave me the numbers I needed so I could call Stephen and tell him. Of course by that time she had already posted on your wall and people were figuring it out and his brother saw the post and had already told him about it.
All that Saturday and Sunday she was all sorry and telling me how she wanted to do everything she possibly could to help and to help try and bring you home. By Sunday she was going on about how she had paid for half your car and her mom had paid the insurance on it etc. By Monday it was even more direct on how now she had no car and she had helped you out and now she was screwed etc, etc.
Sissy was the one handling everything with the insurance company where your car was concerned and I was dealing with them regarding getting you home and your services. Everything she was saying made me feel sorry for her and she was acting like you had used her etc. and that you had used her mom and that you owed her.
2nd Mistake - believing her.
She had said that a lot of your friends wanted to come here to Tennessee for the service and were trying to raise money to help get you home and to come out here. How she wanted to be the one to bring you home to me and bring me your belongings. How bad she felt about it all and she was so sorry and she wanted to make it up to me, etc.
On Monday afternoon I talked to Sissy and told her that I felt since she supposedly paid half for your car (Which I found later was a lie and also from the insurance from the first car you wrecked and how the money from the insurance paid for the second car) and Tess had paid for the insurance that maybe we should give her half the money from your settlement from the car. But from that money she should pay for them to bring you home and for the friends of yours that wanted to come to come out here and the gas would be paid from that money. Whatever was left after that she could keep to use towards a car for herself.
So Sissy talked to her later on, on Monday and told her we would give her $2,000 which was actually more then half of the money and she was to use it for paying the gas for those who wanted to come out for them and then whatever was left was hers to keep towards a car for herself. She jumped on that so fast and was like oh thank you I will and I so appreciate what you are doing for me and for everyone else. I will let everyone know what you are offering and make sure they know about it.
3rd Mistake - Thinking she was genuinely appreciative and would tell your friends
Tess said she wanted to have a memorial service for you there in Omaha for your friends and those that would not be able to come to Tennessee for the service here. Sissy and I were so happy she was doing that for you. We thanked her and were touched about everything she was doing and that Jessica said she was doing for you out there to remember you and to honor you there. The service was set for that Thursday the 17th of March, for you out there in Tess's church and Tess posted it and sent it your friends out there. Tess was helping Brandy try and get everything resolved with the insurance company as well for Sissy to get the check from them for your car. So we could pay the way for your friends to come out with Jessica and for her to bring you home to us.
The day of your service there it was quite divided between her friends and those that knew you through her and the friends you made prior to having met her and that you knew through Nick. Certain people were wearing orange T-shirts in your honor and it was stated later that the reason they were was it was your favorite color for the "Gators" and the reason they were was because they had helped with your service. All those 'certain' people of course were her friends. No one else was told about it at all and when Nick and some of your other friends showed up they didn't know a thing about it.
She also asked Leesa at your service if she could buy her car from her and offered the money we were sending her the entire 2K for her car. At your service would have been the opportune time as well to inform all your friends that we were going to pay for the gas for them to come out here for your service here and she didn't tell anyone about it. She had started to look for cars right away after Sissy told her about the money and looking for a car for 2K. She had no intention whatsoever to use any of that money to pay for the gas for your friends to come out here. She didn't tell anyone about it at all.
Nick and your friends through him all went out and got something to eat and talk about you after the service out there. They were the only ones that were there. Jessica and her friends didn't treat any of them well at your service at all. Didn't even really acknowledge their presence there either and made them feel out of place for even being there.
She had originally been calling me constantly up to Monday evening talking to me and crying on my shoulder about all the things she had found on your phone and the fact you were seeing Jess Decker. How upset she was about it. She didn't even call the girls on your phone personally and tell them what happened. No, she sent them a text to tell them. How impersonal and how inconsiderate of a way to tell someone what happened to you. How totally unconscionable of a way to tell your friends of what has happened to you.
After Tuesday I hardly heard from her at all anymore. I talked a lot to Leesa and to Jess Decker and on Sunday evening I talked to Nick. None of them even knew about the fact that Sissy and I were offering to pay for the gas for them to come out. None of them even knew about it. Here they had been trying to figure out how to come out here on their own and to pay for their way out here. When I spoke to Nick he was totally shocked we were doing that and so appreciative of that. He said he would tell the rest of them about that so they could try and get time off from work to come out here and be here with us for the service here.
4th Mistake - Wasting time listening to Jessica's BS
I talked to Jessica after talking to Nick and let her hang herself with the BS lies she was telling me. She didn't know that I had talked to Nick and that she had not told anyone about the fact we were offering to pay the gas for them to come out here. She lied to me about it and said she had and she didn't know why I was upset and that she was being honest and had told them. How she thought all that money was for her and she could do what she wanted with it. Yep she hung herself way way out to dry with all the lies she was telling me.
Then Sissy got a email from them telling her that if she didn't deposit the 2K into Tess's bank account they were going to sue us for it. She told Sissy her mom told her to tell her that and that it was not her idea but Tess's to send Sissy the email.
Sissy got a call from Tess that Monday as well telling her that Jessica had decided she was not going to come out here for the service that she didn't want to come since Jess Decker was going to come that it was in the best interest of Jessica and that they had decided the night before that was the best thing to do.
So I called Braman's on Tuesday and told them to send everything to me and nothing was going to be picked up. Tess and Jessica had said that they would pack up all your stuff and that Nick could pick it up and bring it to us. It took days for the response to that as well if they were going to do it or not. It wasn't until the last minute that they said he could come get your belongings.
For two weeks Sissy and I had to deal with so much drama and BS it was amazing. On top of the fact that you were gone and that we would never see or talk to you ever again. The drama didn't end with your service either it has still continued on since. It isn't bad enough we lost you but to have so much pain inflicted on us on top of it is totally uncalled for. That these people have no conscience whatsoever and don't give a shit about anything or you.
That Tess, as a mother herself would inflict the pain and the BS she has on me as your mother is abhorring to me. That they would lie and keep your belongings and go even to the extent of keeping all your mail. For god's sake I mean "REALLY?"
When the kids got her that Saturday evening and gave us your belongings I was amazed that there was hardly anything there. When Sissy got your phone and saw the memory card had been removed that was just so infuriating I mean really. Jessica claimed that she kept your memory card because it was hers and you had taken it to use in your phone. Like phones don't come with them? There no pictures nothing on your phone.
She had even gone so far on Tuesday and Wednesday prior and changed all the passwords to all your accounts so that Sissy couldn't get on them anymore. Then claimed she changed them all back and she did it only because she had thought your FB account was hacked. Well it showed she had changed them all but never changed them back. She even lied about all that. She tried it with your FB account and your email accounts. She even tried it with your WoW account. She was even still using my Netflix account watching movies on it after your accident until I let the account expire and didn't renew it.
She claimed you had loaned your "Dragon Age II" game to someone and didn't know who it was. The game you had purchased on the 8th of March and had spent all that time waiting in line at Wal-Mart waiting on it to go on sale, and also bought the book for.
Yet later I get a FB message from Ashley letting me know she had the game and could she beat it then send it to me? For me to please not let Jessica know I knew that.
That people were seeing her brother wearing your clothes in public stuff she kept and didn't return to us. The shirts I got back from her were shirts that most of them I never saw in my life before ever much less something you would even wear out in public. One pair of dress shoes were sent to me and a bunch of dress pants but no jeans and she claimed you didn't own any jeans you always wore hers. I guess you never wore boxers either or socks as none were even sent to us.
None of your dress shirts were in there that you wore over T's it was amazing how little you owned compared to what you went out there with. That big box of all the games with the boxes that you hauled all over the country every time you went anywhere. The other hard drive of yours that was kept and not returned to us. Cody you were reduced to one milk crate of school books, the black bag of dress shoes and some dress pants and a bag of 19 shirts that most of them you wouldn't have worn if paid to much less ever be caught dead wearing. All the shirts you took out there with you and that there are pictures of you wearing we didn't get any of those back.
She even called me the night before Nick and them left to come out here and told me she had forgotten about your blanket and would get that to me. Nick was finally able to pick it up weeks after they got back up there. I was thankful to even get that back. But later when I was making the DVD and posted on your wall she asked me to send her 5 of them and she had found more of your belongings and as soon as she got the DVD's she would send them to me as then she would have my address. Well she got the DVD's at my expense, never said thank you and I have yet to even receive one item of yours.
When Sissy was there for your Birthday, she went to their house and saw the little brother walk into the house and walked to the door and knocked, I was on the phone with her and she waited about 5 minutes repeatedly knocking and no one would even answer the door. They were hiding in there and ignored Sissy.
Sissy also contacted Ashley about the game and was told by her that Tess had requested her to give it back to them as they had a falling out and she wanted to make sure that the game was returned to us. Yeah we have yet to hear anything on that either.
Sissy sent Tess an email. This is what she sent her:
To Tess Bascom-Neilson:
I wanted to say thank you for what you guys all did for Cody on his Birthday. I also wanted to know when we should be expecting the rest of Cody's belongings? You told my mom that you would send them but we have yet to receive them? While I was there in Omaha I asked Jessica to call, but she didn't, and my mom left you a message to call me as well but neither one of us heard from you either. I even stopped by your house on Monday but I guess no one was home because no one answered the door when I rang the door bell and knocked. I contacted Ashley Brown while I was there to get the computer game that Cody had bought not long before his accident (Dragon Age 2), and had let her borrow. But she told me that since her and Jessica had had a falling out you had her return the game to you so that you could return it to us. We would appreciate it if you would return the remainder of Cody's belongings to us. Something I don't understand is how you as a mother would not make sure that all of things had already been returned. I know I may be a new mom and all of that without all the experience that you and other mom's have with your children but in just the year and half that I have had with my daughter I know that I would do anything for her, but I also know that I know the difference between right and wrong, and what has transpired with all of the drama and lies about Cody's things since his accident is wrong. You guys not returning Cody's belongings to us his family, when that's all that we have left of him, that's wrong. Jessica straight out lied about who he had even let borrow the game, Ashley contacted my mom and told us herself that he had let her borrow it and asked if she could finish it and then send it back to us, but according to Jessica Cody let "someone" from school that she didn't know borrow it. Then there's also the fact that she took the memory card out of his cell phone before she returned it. Ya know really I could care less about the memory card itself all I would like from it are the pictures of Cody that were on it, because come on now we all know Cody loved taking self portraits of himself, and those are now all that we have left of him. I appreciate all of the help and work that you put in helping us to figure things out with the insurance company. If it wasn't for that we would not have been able to have the service for him in Tennessee. I am still not quit sure how things got so confusing for everyone with the whole money thing since what my mom had told Jessica was that she would take 2k of the money and give it towards paying the way for any of the kids that wanted to come to Tennessee for his funeral there to come and that whatever was left she could keep towards helping her get a car. Because then all of a sudden she found out that Jessica had not even told some of Cody's friends that there was money for them to be able to come to Tennessee for his funeral if they wanted to. Jessica may not have had good feelings towards Nick and them at that moment but honestly it wasn't about how anyone felt towards the other, the whole thing should have been about making sure that anyone who had been friends with Cody knew that if they wanted to come to Tennessee to his funeral they could have. But unfortunately that's not the way that it was and all the whole thing did was start drama and a lot of BS that it should not have. I'm sorry if you feel that Jessica was lied to, but think about how my mom felt when Nick called her because Jessica wouldn't return his calls or texts when he was asking her when and where Cody's funeral was because he was going to try and drive out himself. She felt like Jessica had been lying to her as well. All of this is really here nor there, because there is nothing that we can do to change what has happened. All we would like is for you guys to return the rest of Cody's things to us because that's all that we have left of him.
Please let us know when we can arrange to have the rest of his things picked up from your house and will make sure that someone is there.
Thank You,
Brandy
Tess didn't even have the decency to respond to it.
It is just amazing that still they continue to be the way they are and to hang on to your stuff. Jessica has moved on she hit up on your buddy in California less then 2 weeks after your accident. Even went out there to see him for a week back in June.
Everyone is so amazed about Jess D. only knowing you for 2 weeks and the strong feelings she had for you, but yet here Jessica who knew you for 6 months and you didn't really mean squat to her for her to hook up with someone 2 weeks after you were gone. Chasing him and hitting up on him. Why keep your belongings? What good are they to her? Except to hurt me they didn't even send one bit of your mail. No W-2's nothing that I knew you had received for working out there. We don't even know where you worked at to do your taxes.
The lies we have been told and the BS drama we are put through by them is horrible.
Your birthday was a total insight into who your true friends are out there and those that care about you the most. Those that were respectful were there to pay their respects with Sissy and to spend your "Special" day with her and to honor you in a way befitting for you. For Jessica it appears to still be some sort of competition and to not honor you by not being considerate and sociable with all your friends and doing "Their" own thing and not all doing it together with all your other friends and with Sissy.
It is all about you and not about them. But they make it all about them and nothing about you. Yes, I am grateful they did recognize your birthday and do something but they could have done it with all your other friends that were close and meant the world to you as well. Not go in the dead of the night and then write on the pole like thieves in the night. Not ignore your sister who meant the world to you and treat her the way they did. Hide in their house and ignore the email that was sent.
I see the picture of Jessica's Tattoo and how infected and ugly it is and I think to myself - Cody is telling you something - You will always remember what he is telling you every time you look at that from here on out. Karma is Bitch and Cody is making sure you know how displeased he is with you right now in all you have done and said to his family.
In my heart of hearts I believe that is exactly what you are doing too. I know how upset you would be with all that has transpired and how everything was done to Sissy and myself and to Storm with everything. Most of the time lately I haven't even been able to write anything because I just get so upset over stuff that I just can't.
On your birthday I was so depressed after everyone left and so upset I spent hours up crying and finally called one of the hot lines to talk. I still get so upset over everything on how it has all happened and how it happened and how disrespectful some of them are that I just get so major depressed.
I wanted to write you today and tell you all this so you know since it is about time you did. I love you so much Cody, and I miss you so much, I think about you each and every day and miss you each and every day - Sleep well my son - mom
Oh wait there was a part in here I forgot to add - how Sissy was told just pay 1800 for the car that Jessica wanted and the other 200 that was left and the 100 they had gotten in donations could be used to pay for the gas for the kids that wanted to come out here - Wonder what ever happened to that 100 dollars they collected?
After I got the call from Jessica at 12:01 about your accident and I called everyone to let them all know, I called Jessica back to find out what was going on and if I could talk to an officer or a paramedic or someone and she told me that they told her they would call me when they could I hung up and waited. Later on I called her back and asked about your phone because I didn't have the numbers for Ross and Stephen and wanted to tell them myself about what happened she told me the police had it. I talked to the officer in charge and told him that I wanted your phone released to her so she could get me the numbers. I contacted the dept front desk like he told me to and told them I wanted your phone released to her.
That was my 1st big mistake. Trusting her.
When she got your phone she was all nosy and found all your text messages to the others and got all jealous. She finally gave me the numbers I needed so I could call Stephen and tell him. Of course by that time she had already posted on your wall and people were figuring it out and his brother saw the post and had already told him about it.
All that Saturday and Sunday she was all sorry and telling me how she wanted to do everything she possibly could to help and to help try and bring you home. By Sunday she was going on about how she had paid for half your car and her mom had paid the insurance on it etc. By Monday it was even more direct on how now she had no car and she had helped you out and now she was screwed etc, etc.
Sissy was the one handling everything with the insurance company where your car was concerned and I was dealing with them regarding getting you home and your services. Everything she was saying made me feel sorry for her and she was acting like you had used her etc. and that you had used her mom and that you owed her.
2nd Mistake - believing her.
She had said that a lot of your friends wanted to come here to Tennessee for the service and were trying to raise money to help get you home and to come out here. How she wanted to be the one to bring you home to me and bring me your belongings. How bad she felt about it all and she was so sorry and she wanted to make it up to me, etc.
On Monday afternoon I talked to Sissy and told her that I felt since she supposedly paid half for your car (Which I found later was a lie and also from the insurance from the first car you wrecked and how the money from the insurance paid for the second car) and Tess had paid for the insurance that maybe we should give her half the money from your settlement from the car. But from that money she should pay for them to bring you home and for the friends of yours that wanted to come to come out here and the gas would be paid from that money. Whatever was left after that she could keep to use towards a car for herself.
So Sissy talked to her later on, on Monday and told her we would give her $2,000 which was actually more then half of the money and she was to use it for paying the gas for those who wanted to come out for them and then whatever was left was hers to keep towards a car for herself. She jumped on that so fast and was like oh thank you I will and I so appreciate what you are doing for me and for everyone else. I will let everyone know what you are offering and make sure they know about it.
3rd Mistake - Thinking she was genuinely appreciative and would tell your friends
Tess said she wanted to have a memorial service for you there in Omaha for your friends and those that would not be able to come to Tennessee for the service here. Sissy and I were so happy she was doing that for you. We thanked her and were touched about everything she was doing and that Jessica said she was doing for you out there to remember you and to honor you there. The service was set for that Thursday the 17th of March, for you out there in Tess's church and Tess posted it and sent it your friends out there. Tess was helping Brandy try and get everything resolved with the insurance company as well for Sissy to get the check from them for your car. So we could pay the way for your friends to come out with Jessica and for her to bring you home to us.
The day of your service there it was quite divided between her friends and those that knew you through her and the friends you made prior to having met her and that you knew through Nick. Certain people were wearing orange T-shirts in your honor and it was stated later that the reason they were was it was your favorite color for the "Gators" and the reason they were was because they had helped with your service. All those 'certain' people of course were her friends. No one else was told about it at all and when Nick and some of your other friends showed up they didn't know a thing about it.
She also asked Leesa at your service if she could buy her car from her and offered the money we were sending her the entire 2K for her car. At your service would have been the opportune time as well to inform all your friends that we were going to pay for the gas for them to come out here for your service here and she didn't tell anyone about it. She had started to look for cars right away after Sissy told her about the money and looking for a car for 2K. She had no intention whatsoever to use any of that money to pay for the gas for your friends to come out here. She didn't tell anyone about it at all.
Nick and your friends through him all went out and got something to eat and talk about you after the service out there. They were the only ones that were there. Jessica and her friends didn't treat any of them well at your service at all. Didn't even really acknowledge their presence there either and made them feel out of place for even being there.
She had originally been calling me constantly up to Monday evening talking to me and crying on my shoulder about all the things she had found on your phone and the fact you were seeing Jess Decker. How upset she was about it. She didn't even call the girls on your phone personally and tell them what happened. No, she sent them a text to tell them. How impersonal and how inconsiderate of a way to tell someone what happened to you. How totally unconscionable of a way to tell your friends of what has happened to you.
After Tuesday I hardly heard from her at all anymore. I talked a lot to Leesa and to Jess Decker and on Sunday evening I talked to Nick. None of them even knew about the fact that Sissy and I were offering to pay for the gas for them to come out. None of them even knew about it. Here they had been trying to figure out how to come out here on their own and to pay for their way out here. When I spoke to Nick he was totally shocked we were doing that and so appreciative of that. He said he would tell the rest of them about that so they could try and get time off from work to come out here and be here with us for the service here.
4th Mistake - Wasting time listening to Jessica's BS
I talked to Jessica after talking to Nick and let her hang herself with the BS lies she was telling me. She didn't know that I had talked to Nick and that she had not told anyone about the fact we were offering to pay the gas for them to come out here. She lied to me about it and said she had and she didn't know why I was upset and that she was being honest and had told them. How she thought all that money was for her and she could do what she wanted with it. Yep she hung herself way way out to dry with all the lies she was telling me.
Then Sissy got a email from them telling her that if she didn't deposit the 2K into Tess's bank account they were going to sue us for it. She told Sissy her mom told her to tell her that and that it was not her idea but Tess's to send Sissy the email.
Sissy got a call from Tess that Monday as well telling her that Jessica had decided she was not going to come out here for the service that she didn't want to come since Jess Decker was going to come that it was in the best interest of Jessica and that they had decided the night before that was the best thing to do.
So I called Braman's on Tuesday and told them to send everything to me and nothing was going to be picked up. Tess and Jessica had said that they would pack up all your stuff and that Nick could pick it up and bring it to us. It took days for the response to that as well if they were going to do it or not. It wasn't until the last minute that they said he could come get your belongings.
For two weeks Sissy and I had to deal with so much drama and BS it was amazing. On top of the fact that you were gone and that we would never see or talk to you ever again. The drama didn't end with your service either it has still continued on since. It isn't bad enough we lost you but to have so much pain inflicted on us on top of it is totally uncalled for. That these people have no conscience whatsoever and don't give a shit about anything or you.
That Tess, as a mother herself would inflict the pain and the BS she has on me as your mother is abhorring to me. That they would lie and keep your belongings and go even to the extent of keeping all your mail. For god's sake I mean "REALLY?"
When the kids got her that Saturday evening and gave us your belongings I was amazed that there was hardly anything there. When Sissy got your phone and saw the memory card had been removed that was just so infuriating I mean really. Jessica claimed that she kept your memory card because it was hers and you had taken it to use in your phone. Like phones don't come with them? There no pictures nothing on your phone.
She had even gone so far on Tuesday and Wednesday prior and changed all the passwords to all your accounts so that Sissy couldn't get on them anymore. Then claimed she changed them all back and she did it only because she had thought your FB account was hacked. Well it showed she had changed them all but never changed them back. She even lied about all that. She tried it with your FB account and your email accounts. She even tried it with your WoW account. She was even still using my Netflix account watching movies on it after your accident until I let the account expire and didn't renew it.
She claimed you had loaned your "Dragon Age II" game to someone and didn't know who it was. The game you had purchased on the 8th of March and had spent all that time waiting in line at Wal-Mart waiting on it to go on sale, and also bought the book for.
Yet later I get a FB message from Ashley letting me know she had the game and could she beat it then send it to me? For me to please not let Jessica know I knew that.
That people were seeing her brother wearing your clothes in public stuff she kept and didn't return to us. The shirts I got back from her were shirts that most of them I never saw in my life before ever much less something you would even wear out in public. One pair of dress shoes were sent to me and a bunch of dress pants but no jeans and she claimed you didn't own any jeans you always wore hers. I guess you never wore boxers either or socks as none were even sent to us.
None of your dress shirts were in there that you wore over T's it was amazing how little you owned compared to what you went out there with. That big box of all the games with the boxes that you hauled all over the country every time you went anywhere. The other hard drive of yours that was kept and not returned to us. Cody you were reduced to one milk crate of school books, the black bag of dress shoes and some dress pants and a bag of 19 shirts that most of them you wouldn't have worn if paid to much less ever be caught dead wearing. All the shirts you took out there with you and that there are pictures of you wearing we didn't get any of those back.
She even called me the night before Nick and them left to come out here and told me she had forgotten about your blanket and would get that to me. Nick was finally able to pick it up weeks after they got back up there. I was thankful to even get that back. But later when I was making the DVD and posted on your wall she asked me to send her 5 of them and she had found more of your belongings and as soon as she got the DVD's she would send them to me as then she would have my address. Well she got the DVD's at my expense, never said thank you and I have yet to even receive one item of yours.
When Sissy was there for your Birthday, she went to their house and saw the little brother walk into the house and walked to the door and knocked, I was on the phone with her and she waited about 5 minutes repeatedly knocking and no one would even answer the door. They were hiding in there and ignored Sissy.
Sissy also contacted Ashley about the game and was told by her that Tess had requested her to give it back to them as they had a falling out and she wanted to make sure that the game was returned to us. Yeah we have yet to hear anything on that either.
Sissy sent Tess an email. This is what she sent her:
To Tess Bascom-Neilson:
I wanted to say thank you for what you guys all did for Cody on his Birthday. I also wanted to know when we should be expecting the rest of Cody's belongings? You told my mom that you would send them but we have yet to receive them? While I was there in Omaha I asked Jessica to call, but she didn't, and my mom left you a message to call me as well but neither one of us heard from you either. I even stopped by your house on Monday but I guess no one was home because no one answered the door when I rang the door bell and knocked. I contacted Ashley Brown while I was there to get the computer game that Cody had bought not long before his accident (Dragon Age 2), and had let her borrow. But she told me that since her and Jessica had had a falling out you had her return the game to you so that you could return it to us. We would appreciate it if you would return the remainder of Cody's belongings to us. Something I don't understand is how you as a mother would not make sure that all of things had already been returned. I know I may be a new mom and all of that without all the experience that you and other mom's have with your children but in just the year and half that I have had with my daughter I know that I would do anything for her, but I also know that I know the difference between right and wrong, and what has transpired with all of the drama and lies about Cody's things since his accident is wrong. You guys not returning Cody's belongings to us his family, when that's all that we have left of him, that's wrong. Jessica straight out lied about who he had even let borrow the game, Ashley contacted my mom and told us herself that he had let her borrow it and asked if she could finish it and then send it back to us, but according to Jessica Cody let "someone" from school that she didn't know borrow it. Then there's also the fact that she took the memory card out of his cell phone before she returned it. Ya know really I could care less about the memory card itself all I would like from it are the pictures of Cody that were on it, because come on now we all know Cody loved taking self portraits of himself, and those are now all that we have left of him. I appreciate all of the help and work that you put in helping us to figure things out with the insurance company. If it wasn't for that we would not have been able to have the service for him in Tennessee. I am still not quit sure how things got so confusing for everyone with the whole money thing since what my mom had told Jessica was that she would take 2k of the money and give it towards paying the way for any of the kids that wanted to come to Tennessee for his funeral there to come and that whatever was left she could keep towards helping her get a car. Because then all of a sudden she found out that Jessica had not even told some of Cody's friends that there was money for them to be able to come to Tennessee for his funeral if they wanted to. Jessica may not have had good feelings towards Nick and them at that moment but honestly it wasn't about how anyone felt towards the other, the whole thing should have been about making sure that anyone who had been friends with Cody knew that if they wanted to come to Tennessee to his funeral they could have. But unfortunately that's not the way that it was and all the whole thing did was start drama and a lot of BS that it should not have. I'm sorry if you feel that Jessica was lied to, but think about how my mom felt when Nick called her because Jessica wouldn't return his calls or texts when he was asking her when and where Cody's funeral was because he was going to try and drive out himself. She felt like Jessica had been lying to her as well. All of this is really here nor there, because there is nothing that we can do to change what has happened. All we would like is for you guys to return the rest of Cody's things to us because that's all that we have left of him.
Please let us know when we can arrange to have the rest of his things picked up from your house and will make sure that someone is there.
Thank You,
Brandy
Tess didn't even have the decency to respond to it.
It is just amazing that still they continue to be the way they are and to hang on to your stuff. Jessica has moved on she hit up on your buddy in California less then 2 weeks after your accident. Even went out there to see him for a week back in June.
Everyone is so amazed about Jess D. only knowing you for 2 weeks and the strong feelings she had for you, but yet here Jessica who knew you for 6 months and you didn't really mean squat to her for her to hook up with someone 2 weeks after you were gone. Chasing him and hitting up on him. Why keep your belongings? What good are they to her? Except to hurt me they didn't even send one bit of your mail. No W-2's nothing that I knew you had received for working out there. We don't even know where you worked at to do your taxes.
The lies we have been told and the BS drama we are put through by them is horrible.
Your birthday was a total insight into who your true friends are out there and those that care about you the most. Those that were respectful were there to pay their respects with Sissy and to spend your "Special" day with her and to honor you in a way befitting for you. For Jessica it appears to still be some sort of competition and to not honor you by not being considerate and sociable with all your friends and doing "Their" own thing and not all doing it together with all your other friends and with Sissy.
It is all about you and not about them. But they make it all about them and nothing about you. Yes, I am grateful they did recognize your birthday and do something but they could have done it with all your other friends that were close and meant the world to you as well. Not go in the dead of the night and then write on the pole like thieves in the night. Not ignore your sister who meant the world to you and treat her the way they did. Hide in their house and ignore the email that was sent.
I see the picture of Jessica's Tattoo and how infected and ugly it is and I think to myself - Cody is telling you something - You will always remember what he is telling you every time you look at that from here on out. Karma is Bitch and Cody is making sure you know how displeased he is with you right now in all you have done and said to his family.
In my heart of hearts I believe that is exactly what you are doing too. I know how upset you would be with all that has transpired and how everything was done to Sissy and myself and to Storm with everything. Most of the time lately I haven't even been able to write anything because I just get so upset over stuff that I just can't.
On your birthday I was so depressed after everyone left and so upset I spent hours up crying and finally called one of the hot lines to talk. I still get so upset over everything on how it has all happened and how it happened and how disrespectful some of them are that I just get so major depressed.
I wanted to write you today and tell you all this so you know since it is about time you did. I love you so much Cody, and I miss you so much, I think about you each and every day and miss you each and every day - Sleep well my son - mom
Oh wait there was a part in here I forgot to add - how Sissy was told just pay 1800 for the car that Jessica wanted and the other 200 that was left and the 100 they had gotten in donations could be used to pay for the gas for the kids that wanted to come out here - Wonder what ever happened to that 100 dollars they collected?
Saturday, June 25, 2011
It's almost your 25th Birthday
Well Cody, Omi was here with me all week from Sunday until yesterday. We went to some seminar classes all week at Wildwood. It was pretty interesting for the most part. I gave away the last 2 of Luna's puppies last Sunday before Omi got here. A guy came over and took both of them for his 2 little girls and they will have 5 acres to run around on. I am sure they will love it there.
I thought about you a lot all week long and I really missed watching the DVD. I really couldn't because Omi was here and she doesn't agree with me watching it so much. I had so many memories going on inside my head, stuff I had almost forgotten because it was so long ago.
When you were almost 2 or about 2 and one of your baby teeth had come in sort of clear and I took you to the dentist and I had to hold you down and you poor baby screamed and screamed, because they waited so long after giving you the medicine to make you calm and sleepy to remove the tooth and by the time they finally called you back there the medicine was long gone in your system. They pulled out that baby tooth.
How you got your first stitches when you were about 3 or so because Granny gave you a pocket knife and the first thing you did was cut your wee little finger. It was at night and Pa called one of the dr.s from the church and drove you to their house and they stitched up your poor little finger.
I was thinking how we grew up together so to speak. I was 20 when I sissy and 26 when I had you. I worked a lot after I had you two, with sissy I worked 2 jobs a lot of the time. After you came along I ended up going back to Florida and starting the cabinet shop and I did that for 3 years or so.
It's like I was growing up with you and sissy at the same time you both were. We were close and like the 3 musketeers. We played video games together and watched movies together and listened to music together and did a lot of stuff together. I miss those days - playing Mario Brothers together and laughing and having so much fun. I wish we could all go back to those days.
I love you so much Cody, and I miss you more and more - Sleep well my son - mom
I thought about you a lot all week long and I really missed watching the DVD. I really couldn't because Omi was here and she doesn't agree with me watching it so much. I had so many memories going on inside my head, stuff I had almost forgotten because it was so long ago.
When you were almost 2 or about 2 and one of your baby teeth had come in sort of clear and I took you to the dentist and I had to hold you down and you poor baby screamed and screamed, because they waited so long after giving you the medicine to make you calm and sleepy to remove the tooth and by the time they finally called you back there the medicine was long gone in your system. They pulled out that baby tooth.
How you got your first stitches when you were about 3 or so because Granny gave you a pocket knife and the first thing you did was cut your wee little finger. It was at night and Pa called one of the dr.s from the church and drove you to their house and they stitched up your poor little finger.
I was thinking how we grew up together so to speak. I was 20 when I sissy and 26 when I had you. I worked a lot after I had you two, with sissy I worked 2 jobs a lot of the time. After you came along I ended up going back to Florida and starting the cabinet shop and I did that for 3 years or so.
It's like I was growing up with you and sissy at the same time you both were. We were close and like the 3 musketeers. We played video games together and watched movies together and listened to music together and did a lot of stuff together. I miss those days - playing Mario Brothers together and laughing and having so much fun. I wish we could all go back to those days.
I love you so much Cody, and I miss you more and more - Sleep well my son - mom
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Sunday June 12, 20111
Every time I read how someone had a dream about you I have been so envious about it, because I had not had one dream about you since the accident. Then on Monday morning I had a dream about you. In the dream you came to me and both of us knew you were gone but you had been allowed to come see me and talk to me again. I felt so much comfort from that dream of you Cody, felt as if you were here with me. We talked about things that had been going on since the night you left, about the drama and your belongings. I was so happy to see you and talk to you and hug you it was just so awesome.
I miss you so much and even though you sleep with me every night and are still a part of my life each day even though you are not here physically I still talk to you and try and keep you in the loop of all the things that are going on. Maybe that is why I had that dream about you.
I even had a dream about Aunt Teri a few days later. Everything is all playing on my mind and in my subconscious constantly, the feelings of being used and of dishonesty and the disloyalty to you and to your memory. I think it all culminated into this dream of everything I am feeling about everything where you are concerned. Somehow it all escalated into having this dream about you and telling you all that has been happening with everyone concerned and what has been happening with all the things you owned that were yours. It is unsettling to realize that nothing about you was as precious to other people as it was to your own family and that you being gone has created nothing but a bunch of vultures where some of your belongings are concerned.
No matter what I say or how I ask nothing gets returned to us it seems that mostly greed is the name of the game. So many have moved on with their lives and you are now just a fading distant memory and what was yours means nothing compared to what it means to myself, Storm and Brandy.
I go through each day missing you and have such a hard time looking at your pictures without just totally breaking down and missing you so much, missing talking to you even fighting with you and everything about you. I miss the person you were and who you were becoming and even the things that are supposed to be helping me are not doing that great of a job. A big part of me was ripped out the night you had your accident and left me. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have to go through the rest of my life without you in it physically.
I see so many kids that don't even come close to the man you were becoming that do some of the worst things and get to still be here, and here you are with one of the biggest hearts I have ever known and you are gone from my life forever. Where is the fairness in any of that? Even Jessica had no problem moving on but has yet to return most of your belongings even your memory card from your phone she kept. That didn't take her long to forget about you and go hook up with someone else. You have only been gone for a little over 3 months and she hooked up with him within the first month you were gone.
I really don't know Cody sometimes about people anymore. Yet, you always wondered why I decided to just hermit myself. Well it gave both of you boys time alone with just me and for us to become close and a family, I loved you both just that much, you were the most important people in my life and it didn't need to be clouded with some guy.
I miss you so much and I just am having a really hard time dealing with this and your accident and that I will never see you again or hold you again or be able to tell you how much I love you. You were so extremely important to me whether you believed it or thought you were. Both of you boys are and Sissy you are my world and the best part of my life. You all are the most perfect things I ever created.
I love you so much Cody, and I miss you more and more each day - Sleep well my son - mom
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Sitting here Thinking...
I was thinking about the response that Jasmine Blaney posted on Cody's wall in response to what I said about the James's.
Who am I supposed to feel sorry for myself? Buster who never bothered to call Cody back when he left the message on his answering machine? He, I am sure had not talked to Cody in almost a year and didn't bother to return the call because he was all worried it was about Cody going to ask him for money. Or should I feel sorry for Meg don't think so.
I think the ones the most devastated by this is, are my kids, Brandy and Storm, and my mom and myself. But I don't see where the sympathy lies in any of those areas. It seems all the sympathy lies with the James family who really didn't have much to do with him in the first place. Yes, Buster loved him but Buster complained about him constantly and never said many good things about Cody. Vicki and Megan are too wrapped up in their own lives to really give a crap about Cody or to ever have gone out of their way to ever have anything to do with him or to care what he was doing or anything about his life.
You know what matters is that your family cares about you and keeps in contact with you no matter what. That is not the case with any of the James's everything for them is all about themselves and nowhere does someone else ever impact their life if it has no value to them.
You know how I remember the Blaney's where Buster and Betty were concerned - the perfect kids they never had. So they surrogated them as their kids and treated them just as if they were. Yeah I am not perfect, never professed to ever be perfect and never will.
But my kids all of them Brandy, Cody and Storm are perfect. I couldn't be prouder of a child then I am of any of them. I am not perfect and they had to deal with a lot because of that from me. But I never lied to my kids or made myself out better then I ever was. I always told them I never wanted them to have to do or live the same life I had to or to have to deal with all the things I did.
So you want to tell me that you did not realize a phone call would help? Storm, Brandy, and I would have appreciated it more then you can even know. Not some post saying how you expected to walk into Megan's wedding.
None of you even requested a DVD I made up for Cody, not you or anyone in the James's family other then Andrew and Katy. I posted it repeatedly on his wall and not one request from any of you. It just shows me that it really doesn't mean that much to some people and show is more important then reality. He went out of his way for so many of you but you don't seem to realize just how much he did, or how much you all meant to him. And that he didn't mean the same amount for some people.
If you think I am being harsh, I am because he is my son and I always did my best for him and protected him to the best of my ability from all the bad things and the fact he really wasn't loved as much as he should have been by some members of his family. He can no longer say a word but I can on his behalf and I will until the day I am gone. If you don't like what I have to say, I really don't care, the only people that mean anything to me at this point is Cody, and Brandy and Storm and my mother and my grandchildren, other then that what anyone else thinks means squat to me.
So once again in response to your if you knew ...... Wonder why I don't go to an SDA church..... Why I don't preach to people or try and get them to be SDA..... because I have seen it too much in my life...
Cody I love you so very much..... I miss you more and more and more and more each day, it has been really hard for me lately, Sleep well my son - mom
Who am I supposed to feel sorry for myself? Buster who never bothered to call Cody back when he left the message on his answering machine? He, I am sure had not talked to Cody in almost a year and didn't bother to return the call because he was all worried it was about Cody going to ask him for money. Or should I feel sorry for Meg don't think so.
I think the ones the most devastated by this is, are my kids, Brandy and Storm, and my mom and myself. But I don't see where the sympathy lies in any of those areas. It seems all the sympathy lies with the James family who really didn't have much to do with him in the first place. Yes, Buster loved him but Buster complained about him constantly and never said many good things about Cody. Vicki and Megan are too wrapped up in their own lives to really give a crap about Cody or to ever have gone out of their way to ever have anything to do with him or to care what he was doing or anything about his life.
You know what matters is that your family cares about you and keeps in contact with you no matter what. That is not the case with any of the James's everything for them is all about themselves and nowhere does someone else ever impact their life if it has no value to them.
You know how I remember the Blaney's where Buster and Betty were concerned - the perfect kids they never had. So they surrogated them as their kids and treated them just as if they were. Yeah I am not perfect, never professed to ever be perfect and never will.
But my kids all of them Brandy, Cody and Storm are perfect. I couldn't be prouder of a child then I am of any of them. I am not perfect and they had to deal with a lot because of that from me. But I never lied to my kids or made myself out better then I ever was. I always told them I never wanted them to have to do or live the same life I had to or to have to deal with all the things I did.
So you want to tell me that you did not realize a phone call would help? Storm, Brandy, and I would have appreciated it more then you can even know. Not some post saying how you expected to walk into Megan's wedding.
None of you even requested a DVD I made up for Cody, not you or anyone in the James's family other then Andrew and Katy. I posted it repeatedly on his wall and not one request from any of you. It just shows me that it really doesn't mean that much to some people and show is more important then reality. He went out of his way for so many of you but you don't seem to realize just how much he did, or how much you all meant to him. And that he didn't mean the same amount for some people.
If you think I am being harsh, I am because he is my son and I always did my best for him and protected him to the best of my ability from all the bad things and the fact he really wasn't loved as much as he should have been by some members of his family. He can no longer say a word but I can on his behalf and I will until the day I am gone. If you don't like what I have to say, I really don't care, the only people that mean anything to me at this point is Cody, and Brandy and Storm and my mother and my grandchildren, other then that what anyone else thinks means squat to me.
So once again in response to your if you knew ...... Wonder why I don't go to an SDA church..... Why I don't preach to people or try and get them to be SDA..... because I have seen it too much in my life...
Cody I love you so very much..... I miss you more and more and more and more each day, it has been really hard for me lately, Sleep well my son - mom
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Shannon
You know I decided to look at Shannon's FaceBook page for the day when you had your accident. You know Cody, she never liked you at all and we both knew that. She always complained about you whenever you would go down there. The day after your accident she made it all about her. She wasn't your mother, never even tried to be a real Step-Mother to you either. You were always competition to her children, since you were David's firstborn child and only child with me. She couldn't do anything about Brandy since Brenda and her were friends and if she wanted to alienate Brenda then she would have had to treat Brandy like she did you. But since you had no bearing on Brenda and her relationship, and my relationship with her was non existent she could alienate you from her.
Nowhere did she even post anything on her page about me, your mother. No she only worried about herself and made it out as like she was the only one and her kids dealing with your accident. Everything about Shannon has always been just about her and no one else. The more drama she creates that she is a part of the happier she is.
I remember all the summers you spent there when Granny and Pa had you come out to see them and they would still send you down there even after promising me they wouldn't do it. You would call me up all miserable and sad and just wanting to come home because you were so unhappy there. You were always the red-headed Step-Child there just like you were with Larry. Never accepted, never loved and always treated badly. You could do no right and everything you did was wrong.
How many times she would call me and tell me she didn't like you and how you were interfering in "Her" family and creating conflicts in her home. And you were just the most evil child she ever came across. Yet it is just amazing to me how you turned out so great and Andrew is the one using drugs, smoking cigarettes and drinking and is not anywhere near as smart or great as you. You who never used drugs or drank much ever and hated anyone smoking. Yet you were so bad? No you were great and you turned out so awesome made me so proud to call you my son. Even though sometimes I said the opposite when you were doing stupid stuff that I felt you shouldn't be doing. But I told you over and over many times how proud of you I was.
You were great and when I look at your other brother I wonder about that. None of them on that side of your family really gave a shit to ever keep in touch with you. Only now that you are gone they try and make it all about them when it isn't, they had their chances and chose not to when they had the opportunity to do so. I know you might not like what I am saying but I have to say it. It all weighs heavy on my heart and on my mind. I despise all the fake pretenses of how much you are missed by some that never had much to do with you in the first place or who never loved you to begin with.
I have always been outspoken where you are concerned and stuck up for you and I am going to say now all the things that are on my mind where you are concerned and all repercussions be damned over it. I am your Mother and I will always be that and I will always look out for you regardless of anything. The rest can just screw themselves.
I love you so much and I miss you so much - Sleep well my son - mom
Nowhere did she even post anything on her page about me, your mother. No she only worried about herself and made it out as like she was the only one and her kids dealing with your accident. Everything about Shannon has always been just about her and no one else. The more drama she creates that she is a part of the happier she is.
I remember all the summers you spent there when Granny and Pa had you come out to see them and they would still send you down there even after promising me they wouldn't do it. You would call me up all miserable and sad and just wanting to come home because you were so unhappy there. You were always the red-headed Step-Child there just like you were with Larry. Never accepted, never loved and always treated badly. You could do no right and everything you did was wrong.
How many times she would call me and tell me she didn't like you and how you were interfering in "Her" family and creating conflicts in her home. And you were just the most evil child she ever came across. Yet it is just amazing to me how you turned out so great and Andrew is the one using drugs, smoking cigarettes and drinking and is not anywhere near as smart or great as you. You who never used drugs or drank much ever and hated anyone smoking. Yet you were so bad? No you were great and you turned out so awesome made me so proud to call you my son. Even though sometimes I said the opposite when you were doing stupid stuff that I felt you shouldn't be doing. But I told you over and over many times how proud of you I was.
You were great and when I look at your other brother I wonder about that. None of them on that side of your family really gave a shit to ever keep in touch with you. Only now that you are gone they try and make it all about them when it isn't, they had their chances and chose not to when they had the opportunity to do so. I know you might not like what I am saying but I have to say it. It all weighs heavy on my heart and on my mind. I despise all the fake pretenses of how much you are missed by some that never had much to do with you in the first place or who never loved you to begin with.
I have always been outspoken where you are concerned and stuck up for you and I am going to say now all the things that are on my mind where you are concerned and all repercussions be damned over it. I am your Mother and I will always be that and I will always look out for you regardless of anything. The rest can just screw themselves.
I love you so much and I miss you so much - Sleep well my son - mom
Lately
I know I haven't written in a while... I have been pretty depressed lately and have not wanted to do much of anything. Storm left Thursday and went to California for the next month and some. So now I am all alone for the first time in years. I know if you were still here, you would have been home with me while he was gone. I guess that knowledge is what is depressing me so much. Every time I would think about Storm's up coming trip that thought was so much in my mind.
The drama is never ending as well and just continues on. Even drama surrounding the passing of Aunt Teri has been going on. It seems that people seem to create more crap after you are gone then they ever did while you or she were here. Why is it that some people all of sudden give a shit after you are gone then they ever did when you were here? It is so damn disgusting that it makes me want to heave more then anything else.
I put a post on my wall that said " Do you really want to know what I think?" and that was all I wrote. Well apparently Shannon must have some sort of a guilty conscience because she was the one to answer that and create drama surrounding your computer. Although she tried to insinuate that they only owed you 600.00 for it as according to her bullshit they sent you wow.. 200.00 to send it to them, when you and I both know they only sent you 150.00 and you had to pay 220.00 to mail it and you insured it. They are all too stupid and computer illiterate to do what you said in order to make it work. Well they can bite you and I both they know they stole it from you. Kelli is still paying on that computer as it is. Too bad you didn't have Omi pick it up last year when I told you to have her get it while she was there. But you always were like that too, hoping for the best and it not happening.
She was giving me grief on the way home from the airport on how I am dealing with all of this. I finally told her that unless I stayed drunk 24/7 she could say something about how I am working through all this, but since that is not the case she needed to stay out of it. Yes, I dwell on it every day, and you sleep with me every time I sleep, since you are stay right in my bed in the middle. I watch your DVD a lot too. But I miss you and I love you, even if you feel you didn't hear that enough from me. I always loved you so very much. I always knew why you did the things you did and I excused them because I did know you so well and because I did love you so much. Yes, I gave you a harder time then Storm but that was because you needed me more and you needed to understand that you were needing to come to grips to what you were really upset about and who you were mad at the most. You had such a hard time with that and really never wanted to acknowledge that and you really needed to. I know you might not understand that but I did.
I still have a hard time with all this and I look at pictures of you and see you in my mind and can't believe any of this true. That I will never see or talk to you ever again. Sometimes I just think to call you and then I remember and that just depresses me more. I remember conversations or even arguments we had and I get so upset. I envision you in my room, on my bed, in the bathroom, or the kitchen or anywhere in this house. I just miss you so much. I get so scared for Stormie now. I lost your older brother and I now lost you too. I worry so much I will lose Storm too now. I hate the things I think about now. I just miss you so much Cody, I miss everything about you, good and bad it doesn't matter. I was so proud of you, I told you that many times but I don't know if you ever believed me or not. I wish you were still here.
I love you so much, I miss you more and more each day - Sleep well my son - mom
The drama is never ending as well and just continues on. Even drama surrounding the passing of Aunt Teri has been going on. It seems that people seem to create more crap after you are gone then they ever did while you or she were here. Why is it that some people all of sudden give a shit after you are gone then they ever did when you were here? It is so damn disgusting that it makes me want to heave more then anything else.
I put a post on my wall that said " Do you really want to know what I think?" and that was all I wrote. Well apparently Shannon must have some sort of a guilty conscience because she was the one to answer that and create drama surrounding your computer. Although she tried to insinuate that they only owed you 600.00 for it as according to her bullshit they sent you wow.. 200.00 to send it to them, when you and I both know they only sent you 150.00 and you had to pay 220.00 to mail it and you insured it. They are all too stupid and computer illiterate to do what you said in order to make it work. Well they can bite you and I both they know they stole it from you. Kelli is still paying on that computer as it is. Too bad you didn't have Omi pick it up last year when I told you to have her get it while she was there. But you always were like that too, hoping for the best and it not happening.
She was giving me grief on the way home from the airport on how I am dealing with all of this. I finally told her that unless I stayed drunk 24/7 she could say something about how I am working through all this, but since that is not the case she needed to stay out of it. Yes, I dwell on it every day, and you sleep with me every time I sleep, since you are stay right in my bed in the middle. I watch your DVD a lot too. But I miss you and I love you, even if you feel you didn't hear that enough from me. I always loved you so very much. I always knew why you did the things you did and I excused them because I did know you so well and because I did love you so much. Yes, I gave you a harder time then Storm but that was because you needed me more and you needed to understand that you were needing to come to grips to what you were really upset about and who you were mad at the most. You had such a hard time with that and really never wanted to acknowledge that and you really needed to. I know you might not understand that but I did.
I still have a hard time with all this and I look at pictures of you and see you in my mind and can't believe any of this true. That I will never see or talk to you ever again. Sometimes I just think to call you and then I remember and that just depresses me more. I remember conversations or even arguments we had and I get so upset. I envision you in my room, on my bed, in the bathroom, or the kitchen or anywhere in this house. I just miss you so much. I get so scared for Stormie now. I lost your older brother and I now lost you too. I worry so much I will lose Storm too now. I hate the things I think about now. I just miss you so much Cody, I miss everything about you, good and bad it doesn't matter. I was so proud of you, I told you that many times but I don't know if you ever believed me or not. I wish you were still here.
I love you so much, I miss you more and more each day - Sleep well my son - mom
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