Sissy is coming home!

Sunday is getting closer now and Sissy finally is on her way with Loralei.. She called me before she left San Diego that her flight was delayed. She might get stuck in the Dallas airport for the night unless they hold the connecting flight to Nashville. There are nine others taking the connecting flight on her plane so we are hoping they will hold it for them.

I am so looking forward to seeing her and Loralei as not sure when she would have been able to come out again to visit us here. It has been almost a year since she was here last. I can't wait to see how much Loralei has grown  and see her little personality that is emerging.. I hope she is outgoing and bright like you were.. just cheerful all the time..

The other side is that even though you are home now and you are with us, it isn't the way I would have imagined it to be.. I lay in bed last night and I just cried. When I held what is you in my hands I knew it was you in there just not the way it was supposed to be.. I looked at that box for a while before I opened it yesterday and my mind raced back to that last day I ever saw you.  When you packed all your stuff into that girls car and I had you and Storm pose for those pictures for me.. I am glad I did because I never in my wildest dreams thought you wouldn't be coming home. I sent you out into the world a bright shining star of life and vitality and smiles and laughter and a full bright future ahead of you and you came home to me in a box.. Every fiber of my being screamed how unfair this all was and my mind still doesn't want to wrap around all of this.. I still want it all to be such an awful dream that I just haven't woken up from yet.

I know Sissy is excited to see us as well and she is doing such a great job of holding herself together as well. Although late at night when both of us are winding down from our long drama filled days and each of us thinking our own thoughts and sometimes talking about you about some memory I hear the sniffles over the phone from her as well. Everytime I read something or think about something that makes me cry Sissy always.. are you ok mom?  It's like yes I am ok and thankfully you can't see my face to know how badly I am really lying right now.. I am sorry that Chris wasn't able to come with her, but he did an awesome job of getting me the song I am playing for you on Sunday. I think you two would have been good friends had you ever been able to spend more time together getting to know each other better then the few days when he was here. Or the few times you might have spoken to him over the phone or something.

I heard your dad and Andrew are up here now. I guess they are staying at Pa's. Omi tried to get me to have some of the kids go over there but I wouldn't ever do something like that to them! Your dad told Sissy she could as well but she said she is staying here with me. Sissy and I will go up to Omi's sometime tomorrow so Sissy can see the place Omi bought. You never got to see Omi's new house. You would have liked that as well, since she lives on top of the mountain with a lake across the street. Luna loves it there and goes on walks with her to Mrs. Schermerhorns house because Omi has to take care of the chickens we used to have that I gave her and their dog while they are away. I am glad now that I didn't offer to let you take Luna with you because we might not have been able to get her back and to keep Omi company. Just know that Omi is taking really good care of her and that she loves her and Omi said every time she looks at her she thinks of you.

You know I was thinking earlier today about those chickens and how you even named one and it was your favorite one.. Rose.. Well I can tell you those 3 hens still stick together and are as happy as peas in a pod up there on the mountain. they lay some of the biggest eggs I have ever seen too.. Omi brought me some down when she was here on the 12th.

I will write about yesterday soon but not today.. It's still real hard every day but Cody things have been working out little by little and I really feel that God is watching over all of us right now and trying to help us get through this.. and is working his majic a bit at a time.. All the people coming from different parts being able to get together to Celebrate the life you had and what we shared with you. To be able to share our memories of you with each other and to lean on each other for support to get us all through this..

Yes, eventually some people might forget you or not think about you that much in the future, but you know the empty spot that is left in the lives of Omi, Sissy, Storm, Loralei and myself.. The chair that will never again be filled at the table when we all get together for some memorable event in each of our lives. Or the seat on the pew that sits empty when Storm gets married  - if he does.. or the chair when he graduates from High School and later on from college.. We will have that hole forever with us that empty spot.. But this Sunday everyone there will be remembering you and your life and what you meant to each and every one us.. Sunday is "Your" day Cody..

I am just so heartbroken that this is the reason Sissy is coming home, I so wish it was for some other reason in life but this.. But I will be happy to see her even through all the pain I feel now I will be happy to see her and hug her and the baby and tell them I love them.. I just pray all goes well and they are safe and nothing happens to either of them as they travel here from so far away. I just have to believe God is watching and keeping them both safe for me.

Well I still have some things I need to do around here before she gets here.. You know me always leave everything to the last minute.. Although I have been making lists for us for the next few days of what we need to do.. So nothing is forgotten.. I love you and I miss you so much - Sleep well my son - Mom