It's Another Day

Luna had her puppies last night - Easter Sunday. She had 6 of them, 5 boys and 1 girl. When Omi called me the first time she had only had 4 and she said I have to check on her there is a lot of whining going on in the bathroom.  She called me back and was so devastated, she said Luna had 2 more.  I told her oh well we will have to try and give them all away. Since we really don't know what kind of a dog bred with her. Omi only saw a black dog about Luna's size. Somehow that dog got over Omi's fence and in the dark it was hard to see the other dog she said. But there is nothing but hound dogs up there where she lives so the dad has to be some kind of a hound dog / hunting dog.

A lot of the people up there have kennels of them to use for hunting so one must have gotten loose or someone who lets their dog run loose. We won't be able to really tell much about them for a few weeks still anyway. Omi has no way to take pictures and send them to me over the net of course so I won't be able to see them until I go up there or something or if she brings them down with her the next time she comes to visit. I did stick a ad in the Georgia Trader for next week so maybe we will get lucky and be able to get rid of all of them. Only can cross my fingers on that one.

It is really hot and humid again today 82 in the house alone and I was going to sit outside in the gazebo but it is just darn hot and no breeze :(  I need to get my asparagus planted still and have some potato's I need to get in the ground as well. I can't seem to find what I did with my squash seeds and it is really bugging me about that. Hopefully I will find them soon.

I was remembering yesterday the Easters out in California and how we would hide the eggs up on the patio deck for you guys to find. I know there were some pictures of at least one year but I couldn't find them anywhere. I remember when you and Brandy were little and I always had such fun coloring the eggs with you guys and then hiding them the next day for you. Watching you two look all over the yard for them. One year when we lived in the house across from the shop we went to some church for an Easter Egg hunt with the elderly couple across the street that just thought the world of Brandy of you. I have a picture of you guys with them I still have to scan in from one of the photo albums.

Just random thoughts make me start crying and then I can't stop. I cried so much yesterday and last night that when I woke up today my eyes were so swollen I could hardly see for a long time. I think my heart just breaks more and more each passing day. The ache just seems to get bigger and so does the void I feel. Sometimes I just want to get swallowed up so it will all just stop hurting so badly. People say all kinds of things like he is watching over you, and he is watching from heaven, etc. But I don't believe any of that you know. You are what you are here on my bed, and that is it. Even Ann tries and gets me to believe on the near death experiences from other people that are out there on the internet and she had me watch. All of that is such a great and wonderful thought. But you know how I believe and what I raised you to believe.

So I don't know if I will ever get to see you again ever and the last time I saw you might well be the last time I ever did. The last time we talked might be the last time for that as well. I just know I miss my son so damn much and nothing is helping. Cody I am having such a hard time and I really don't know what to do about it.

I wish I could just a little bit of peace or some sense of something but nothing is there. Just a lot of hurt and aching and missing you. I don't even feel anger anymore just a huge sense of loss in you not being here anymore. Even memories are painful because they make me cry just thinking about them. I can't share them with you and we can't laugh about them together or even argue about some of them. I just know it is all eating me up inside and I don't know how to stop it.

I love you Cody and I really miss you horribly - Sleep well my son - mom