But all of a sudden when you are gone.. then they make such a big deal about it.. Or look at me.. see what I have done etc..
I look at my phone and the order in which I called the night you had your accident, Omi was first and Sissy was second - after I told Storm of course.. It was only because a week before you were wanting to talk to Pa because Stephen had seen Mary's obituary in the paper and told you that I even had Pa's number.. and Sissy had to make all the calls to find out what his number was.. No one ever kept in touch... As far as Vicki and Eddie I had no clue on their phone number..
You live within a few miles and it might as well be across the ocean.. Granny was the glue that always kept everyone in contact and cared about everyone.. After Granny left us then you were the only one that Pa ever talked to really or saw and I know you gave Pa a hard time a lot. I also know that you resented the fact Pa got married again so fast after Granny left.. No one could replace Granny for you.. So I understand your feelings there..
I was quite upset with Megan's post on her wall after the accident, she didn't even put your name on the post.. like you were some random cousin.. she only has 3, you, Katlyn and Andrew..
We were a family the 4 of us totally and without thought of halves, wholes or anything.. Like I put on that picture - the last time all of us were together.. our family.. Omi, Sissy, You, Storm, Loralei and myself, of course there is Chris.. but you know what I mean..
I felt quite dissed by your aunt Vicki as well the day of your service.. but that is ok.. Granny's family was there and all of them came up to talk to me..
The James side had 24 years to be a part of your life but most of the time they were not after we moved out of the basement.. 8 years ago... I feel sorry for them more then I am angry with them.. They never got to know you like we knew you.. They never were around you and were able to enjoy your company as much as the rest of us did. I wonder if Megan will take better care of that plant then she took care of her relationship with her oldest cousin...
When I was growing up every summer we went to Canada to see all my aunts, uncles and cousins -- I always looked forward to that each year.. Omi was close to her family and she showed us the value of family and how it was important to keep in touch and be close to your family. Even after I was married and divorced both times she still felt like the people that had come into the family was still family even after I wasn't with that person anymore.. She never took sides in the break ups and always still welcomed everyone into her home just like they were still part of the family.. I learned that from her.. and I know you learned from me the importance of family.. I made sure that all 3 of you felt like you were whole brothers and sister there was no your only a half because you don't have the same dad..
None of the 3 of you ever grew up with that thought or that feeling.. even the age differences between the 3 of you has not stopped any of you to not stay in touch, talk or do things together whenever you were able to. I am very proud of you guys for that.. I am proud to have 3 kids as great as you all are..
I guess that is why I have such a hard time understanding the way other people are with their families, that they aren't that important or it isn't a problem not to stay in touch and communicate now and then. I know how happy we always were when we were together and how wonderful it was when Brandy was here last year with Loralei, Chris and Omi.. All of us under one roof again even just for a short time.. It is always hard to watch loved ones leave and not know when you might see them again. But you can call and talk or email or skype or something to see each other and to stay in touch these days..
I wish you could see Storm grow up and become a young man and go to college and see what choices he makes in life.. watch your niece grow into a young lady and go off to college.. all these things you will miss makes me so sad and upset.. You will never know your son and get to watch him grow up or even some day meet Trinity.. Who knows if she will ever know about you or about us.. and again she is growing up just a few miles of where we live.. Omi, Sissy and I wanted to be a part of her life but she didn't want that I guess.. and with her getting married before Trinity was born and having her husband named as her father it really nixes anything for us.. She never stayed in contact with us and changed her number.
It's great when people say things but it is the follow through that means the most.. you can say anything but the actions are what is important.. Those mean the world..
Not sure how I will today - Today I am going to start burning some of the DVD's to mail out to family and friends of everything I have.. It has been pretty hard on me to work on everything the past days to see everything over and over again for hours at a time.. extremely emotionally draining is a good way to describe it..
I love you very much Cody and miss you more every day - Sleep well my son - mom
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