Yesterday

I spent most the day in the back yard yesterday Cody. I got another burn permit and I burned up the branches you cut off the tree that is there in the back yard. I got some more of the big pile that was there when we bought the house burned. There is a lot more to go though.  I still have to try and burn up the 2 trees you took down as well over from on the fence line. Not sure if I will be able to get those done or not before May 1st.

I sat out there watching the fire and burning doing a lot of thinking and remembering about you. Just different things all through your life. My mind jumped all over the place.

When I finally came back into the house at about 6 to 7 I laid on the couch and just watched parts of that DVD over and over and over.. I ended up with one major headache and I don't know what caused it.. if it was me crying too much or if it was from the sun and heat all day outside. But whatever it was it hurt like crazy.

I got on Facebook too and looked at what time made that first post after I woke back up the night of the accident and I saw I posted at 11:46 pm.. I was up for just a bit prior to getting on FB and posting. I wonder if what woke me up was you. I guess I will never have the answer to that question but I would like to think that somewhere I felt you or it made me wake up.

It's like when you fell into the pool when you were little on Dad's birthday, I knew something was wrong and went running looking for you and saw you in the pool. You were so little that no one could even hear you fall in there. Thankfully I had taken you to pools a lot when you were a baby and you learned how to hold your breath under the water. But I still can see that picture in my mind of you floating you down deeper into the water  - face up looking at me. When I reached down and snatched you right out of there - Shady never even barked or let out a peep which also was strange.

You were fine though nothing wrong with you at all. Fine wasn't the word for me, I was shaking like a leaf and so grateful you were alright.

But I always wondered what made me wake up that night and maybe it was you.. maybe it wasn't I would like to think it was.

I love you very much Cody, and I miss you more and more every day - Sleep well my son - mom